Thursday, May 1, 2014

How do you know your husband is in recovery instead of just sober?

Question: "How will you/your husband know he's in recovery instead of just sober?"
He will turn back into the man I thought I married haha no jk, I really don't actually want that :)
Sure, my husband has been sober and he's doing good. And so far the way it feels and the way he's acting is COMPLETELY different then he's EVER been before, even on his "best days" in the past. Its a night and day difference. But he's not in recovery yet. Im not exactly sure how I will know he's in recovery.  I think longevity and consistency have alot to do with it. Some experts, therapists, tests and Dr's say recovery is about being sober and also progressively doing "mighty change of heart stuff" for 1-3 years. Some say 3-5 years. Some believe recovery has different stages. I find there is truth to all of them. (Recovery link here and here)

But I do have my own recovery/sobriety to gage what recovery looks like or doesn't look like. But before recovery I hit my rock bottom, so I also know what rock bottom looks like. Here's a few things about rock bottom:

There was no pride in rock bottom. 
No control or manipulation. 
No lying or minimizing. 
No defensiveness. 
No blaming or redirecting. 
No pride and ego.
No escaping the pain and guilt to make myself FEEL better in the moment. 

It was complete willingness and submissiveness to God to do whatever it took, regardless of the repercussion or backlash. When I told my family and friends I was fully expecting and prepared for my husband to leave me, for everyone to hate me, for everyone to shun me, and for me to literally lose everything.

Recovery was/is about me changing my whole life, not just being sober. Its about forever having that mighty change of heart. Its about always being honest no matter how embarrassing it is. Its about letting go of my old self, not getting caught in the Addiction Cycle (link), and about continually being self aware, analyzing , self parenting, and bettering myself. And Its not only about life long prevention so that I never relapse again, but prevention so that I never want or have the desire to relapse again.

But I wasn't willing to change until "The fear of the problem became greater than the fear of the solution".

And so far my husband being sober and doing good is not proof of a lifelong commitment and willingness to do whatever it takes. It just simply means that he's doing good.

1 comment:

  1. Dobble Addy, SOMEONE SHOULD BE PAYING YOU TO WRITE ABOUT THIS. Sorry for the all caps, but seriously, it's hard to express that sentiment strongly enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for sharing all your hard earned knowledge with people like me.