Saturday, February 13, 2016

Why Do Addicts Lie?

Why does your addict husband lie?

Because their brain believes complete honesty will kill them.

Haha no, seriously.

It seems silly to think that the brain would really think it would die from being honest.

Hear me out...

The Reasons Why Addicts Lie

If your husband is COMPLETELY honest, his child-like broken brain believes he will lose EVERYONE in his life. Like literally, to the addict brain it FEELS like if everyone knew the truth they'd all stand around spitting and throwing stones, and then would turn around and never talk to them again. EVERYONE. Family, friends, coworkers, church members, strangers etc. Everyone. And no one can convince their brain otherwise. Its an ingrained core belief they have been developing for years. Only they can choose to change it.

To the brain, the complete loss of love from everyone IS death. Think about it.....when we were babies what primary necessities did we need in order to survive?

Food/water, shelter, and NURTURE, right? Its been proven that babies without nurture (love, connection, attachment etc) have been known to actually DIE.

Not having enough nurture is just as threatening to our survival as not having enough food and water! 

Now fast forward a few years to your husbands childhood. Somewhere along the way he learned that his essential NEED---nurture---was bad. Either because he learned a false belief he didn't deserve it, or was taught that nurture brings pain (ie. Loved one becoming mad at him and withdrawling connection etc etc), or more commonly a combination of both since they go hand in hand.

So here you have a little boy who's brain learned:
    1. "I need nurture in order to survive."
    2. "Nurture is unsafe and brings pain because I am undeserving and people always end up hurting me."

Sounds pretty conflicting and confusing doesn't it ha?

That is why an addict is often so emotionally up and down their entire life towards the ones they love most. One second they can be nice because they need/want nurture, and one second they withdrawl and become defensive because nurture is scary and unsafe and they feel undeserving of it.

Then you throw in pornography and it destructively mimics the feelings of "nurture", but in turn hugely MAGNIFIES feelings of unsafety and the sense of feeling undeserving in regards to the healthy GOOD kind of nurture.

Pornography literally teaches "Fake nurture = good and safe. Good nurture = bad and UNsafe.

And as a result of all the craziness, an addicts brain remains stuck at the emotional age of a child because their brain is too busy staying in survival "fight or flight" mode.

Aka, also called "Insanity". 󾬓

Hence, sex/pornography addicts compulsively lie and continue lying while swearing to the moon they are honest. They are compulsive liars and have been lying since they were children. Its not something that goes away overnight or with strong declarations of "I promise honey, I've told you the complete truth, there's nothing else. This whole thing has really opened my eyes. I've learned my lesson, I will never lie again."

Liar liar pants on fire <3 Maybe time for a polygraph? 😁


  1. There are several reasons that people lie: 1.To escape accountability( not me). 2.To steal admiration( even though they have done nothing to deserve it). 3.To escape feelings of inferiority ( to feel superior to others). 4.To escape reality( denial of things as they actually are). 5.To exploit others ( for their advantage) 6.Entitlement(the world owes them). 7.Denial ( that they are outside the standards for proper behavior).
    These are some of the main reasons; do any apply to your situation? Think it over carefully.

  2. Great explanation, just wish the conclusion was not quite so jaded. With time, intention, and TRUE repentance (including the atonement) people can and do actually change. Not always, but they can.