tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9125950879300674244.post4509637240779693433..comments2023-03-25T05:49:26.326-07:00Comments on Help For Victims Of Betrayal Abuse : Questions To Ask Your HusbandMakemyburdenlighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08272103698183036082noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9125950879300674244.post-7110216054047196502021-04-11T14:10:51.059-07:002021-04-11T14:10:51.059-07:00I just wanted to respond from my own personal expe...I just wanted to respond from my own personal experience. I have been on this Journey of Healing for the past 12 years. When we did our full disclosure my husband lied and left out so much. He continued to dribble his sexual sin over the course of the next 6 years with repeated relapses which only caused my Trauma to begin worse. Every woman needs to know what she wants to know and what she doesn't! This is a very personal journey. For me I "thought" I wanted to know every detail and boy did I get them. I wish now I had not asked for so many details because once those words are spoken the images stay in your mind and only serve to torment you. I agree every wife deserves to know the Truth, but some of the questions on this list I feel from experience are very dangerous to ask. I would tell each wife just be sure what you really want to know. I could have done with knowing my husband went to Massage Parlors without all the gory details that wounded me so much worse. These questions might be right for some women but I don't believe they are acceptable for "Every wife." I do agree with you that addicts are experts in deception so they will try and wiggle their way out of telling the Truth. But knowing the Truth and knowing harmful details are two different things. You said that knowledgeable therapist were hard to find, I disagree with you unless you live way out in the middle of no where. CSAT counselors have become more and more established all over the United States. You might have to drive a ways to meet with them but it is worth the drive to find a therapist versed in Sexual Addiction and Betrayal Trauma. I thank you for your advise that disclosure needs to be tended to carefully and very wisely as I stated before lying and deception is a huge part of Sexual Sin. My prayers to all my sisters who are on this Journey of Healing from Betrayal. Karen A. Bridgeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03064843305570012384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9125950879300674244.post-4491098972716296292016-09-11T03:26:42.375-07:002016-09-11T03:26:42.375-07:00I agree. If I could have everything "my way&q...I agree. If I could have everything "my way"😁, I WOULD want everyone to do disclosure with a competent well knowledged therapist. <br /><br />But sadly finding a therapist who is knowledgeable enough to help with all the things you mentioned is harder to find than it sounds. <br /><br />Me and many other wives have had therapists tell our husbands not to tell us details (details, not gory details) and have also had therapists try to convince us we don't NEED details "Because it will increase our trauma and only be too triggering to the addict". Ive had friends who've had therapists who knew their husbands relapsed, had legal permission to share it, and still choose to withhold this info from them during therapy/disclosure. I even have a friend who's therapist made her husband tell her TOO MANY GORY details she did NOT ask for, like the color of the womens hair in the porno, the color of her nipples, the positions he liked to watch etc (I don't even consider that truth OR full disclosure, that's just plain ol' divulging into fantasy 😨😱😱😱😱) Etc etc. <br /><br />I could keep going on and on with reasons, but bottom line me and many wives would have never received a full disclosure (or received too much😱) if it were only done through the therapist we were seeing at the time, and instead had to take matters into our own hands to learn the truth we WANTED to know. <br /><br />Every wife has a right to disclosure with or without a therapist. YES, having a good knowledgeable therapist assist with the process is ideal and really is the BEST option!! I encourage it💖! But since great knowledgeable therapists are extremely hard to find, wives should still be able to have the choice, and access to the info, to ask whatever questions they want. <br /><br /><br />Us wives aren't as fragile as we may seem, despite the trauma and our whole worlds becoming unglued. Yes, we are highly emotional and all over the place (as we should be, and that's OK), but we can handle more than people think we can. <br /><br />Truth is not the enemy. Pain is not even the enemy either. The danger and the enemy are the lies and "staying in the dark". <br /><br /><br />Thank you for commenting! Ha to be honest I've had a response in my mind for 2 months now but have finally gotten around to writing it down haha 😘Makemyburdenlighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08272103698183036082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9125950879300674244.post-26259087545419781562016-07-04T01:43:10.693-07:002016-07-04T01:43:10.693-07:00I believe in disclosure and its importance. Howeve...I believe in disclosure and its importance. However, I think this kind of conversation would best be had after seeking professional support. I worry greatly about women trying to navigate this kind of conversation alone without help for trauma, without guidance and about the right timing. I also worry about women not having a witness to the conversation(s). Addicts in addict mode tend to lie, twist truths, go back on what they have said, etc. <br /><br />Also, I think it's important to stress that even with sobriety from sexual acting out behaviors, a man could still be not recovered from the addiction. Again, disclosure is essential, but not all addicts will escalate to these kinds of behaviors, and true recovery (as you know) is about more than just sobriety. <br /><br />I just hope that women who are just finding out will not try to engage this process alone. Addiction is cunning, baffling, and powerful, and women deserve to have help through this process. And addicts really need help, too so that they don't dig deeper into their addict reactions when asked these kinds of questions...which reactions just add to the trauma of a wife. <br /><br />adminhttp://hopeandhealinglds.comnoreply@blogger.com