Help For Victims Of Betrayal Abuse

Everything You Never Thought You Wanted to Know About Abuse, Victim Blaming Language, & Sex Addiction

Mar 1, 2023

The Overuse of Narcissism : Why Most Abusers Aren't Narcissists

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“He’s such a narcissist” How many of us have heard people say things like this in reference to a perpetrator of abuse? Do perpetrators reall...
Jan 15, 2023

Bruno Bettelheim: The Shocking History Of Trauma Bonding

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I wanted to expound more on the history of the blaming label "Trauma Bonding"  (to read why Trauma Bonding is victim blaming and P...
Jan 10, 2023

Watching Porn Is Cheating

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Ever wonder WHY watching pornography without consent of your partner is also cheating? It's because there's a part of the brain tha...
Nov 15, 2022

How To Find A Therapist To Vet

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 How I find therapists to vet : - Go to PsychologyToday website and input your zip code. - Then narrow down the search by clicking on "...
Jun 7, 2022

Why The Carnes/CSAT Empire Is Victim Blaming

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FYI: The CSAT training is FULL OF CODEPENDENCY/victim blaming. Stephanie Carnes runs the CSAT trainings (her father Patrick Carnes made up t...
Mar 17, 2022

90-99% of Men Regularly View Pornography

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Pornography Statistics: "94.2 % [men] had viewed pornography in the last six months.  Additionally, 82.4% indicated that they currently...
Feb 5, 2022

"Victim" Is Not A Weak Shameful Word

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"Victim mode", "Victim Mentality", "Stop playing a Victim", "It's tempting to be the victim"(Yes...
Oct 1, 2021

Most Women In Porn Are Trafficked

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We already know research shows that most women in prostitution are trafficked, but how many women in pornography are trafficked? Based on th...
Sep 20, 2021

Is Being Pressured Into Sex Considered Rape?

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What is Rape & Sexual Assault?  Everyone PLEASE read this. You may think you know what rape and sexual assault means, but the reality is...
May 5, 2021

Victim Blaming Post #8: Ignoring Red Flags

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I can't count the many times I've heard women say "I ignored the red flags", or "I painted the red flags green",...

Victim Blaming Post #7 : Prodependency

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 Who here wants a new name for codependency? Oh right, no one. "Prodependency" is another victim blaming term, made up by sex addi...

Victim Blaming Post #6 Trauma Bonded

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 The term "Trauma Bond" is just as victim blaming as codependency, reactive abuse, stockholm syndrome, learned helplessness, Drama...

Victim Blaming Post #5 "Learned Helplessness"

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 I'm not against everything regarding learned helplessness. Martin Seligman's study is fascinating (disgusting), though I don't ...

Victim Blaming Post #4 Stockholm Syndrome

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The term "Stockholm Syndrome" is ALL CRAP. Hogwash. Nonsense. Absurd. Rubbish. Malarky. Hooey. Doo doo. Lies. Yet there are hundre...

Victim Blaming Post #3 The Drama Triangle (Karpman Triangle)

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 The Drama Triangle is another victim blaming term when applied to trauma victims.  According to the creator, Dr. Stephen Karpman, the Drama...

Victim Blaming Post #2: Reactive Abuse or Mutual Abuse

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"Reactive Abuse" or "Mutual Abuse" isnt a real thing. Someone always has more power and control. The reason victims do t...

Victim Blaming Post #1 Codependency

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I will be doing a series of posts about some victim blaming terms that many people may not be aware of that are harming victims of abuse, li...
Oct 12, 2020

Prodependency Is Harmful

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 "EVEN IF IT'S ALL COMPLETELY TRUE" Anyone else sick of sex addict men coming up with labels for traumatized women?  Let's...
Sep 19, 2020

Proof S-Anon Blames Trauma Victims

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(Yes. Cat memes make me happy)  S-Anon is victim blaming and codependency based, even if they don't use the word "codependency"...
Nov 23, 2019

How To Tell If Your Therapist Is Covertly Victim Blaming

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  A recent poll suggests that 93% of betrayed wives have had an experience with a therapist blaming them by using the codependency mode...
Oct 25, 2018

Codependency Harms

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History of Codependency The term codependency (or co-addict) was a word made up by a bunch of addicts from Alcoholics Anonymous, founded ...
Dec 4, 2017

My Boundaries

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For those interested in what my current personal boundaries look like 💗. For How to Set Boundaries go HERE : Boundaries are very imp...
Oct 28, 2017

Correlation Between Video Games And Sex Addiction

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CORRELATION BETWEEN VIDEO GAMES AND PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION Watch this video on the science behind pornography addiction. Video games rew...
Aug 6, 2017

Latter Day Saint: Judge Others

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What The Church Says About Judging Others "Thou shalt not judge" is a common accusatory (and quite shaming) misconception I h...
Mar 17, 2017

How to Do Self EMDR

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  Self EMDR Here's how to do POSITIVE self EMDR to help with trauma and help you love yourself. No therapist is needed because th...
Sep 27, 2016

Your Brain on Caffeine

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Your Brain on Caffeine Im going to write about something that may be upsetting to some people. I'm going to talk about the dangers o...
Sep 3, 2016

Wearing Lingerie

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I know this can be a touchy subject so as an addict, and my husband also being an addict, I'm going to explain the reasons why I per...
Aug 30, 2016

Should My Husband Take A Polygraph?

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Should Sex Addict Abusers Take Polygraphs? I love polygraphs. I believe all sex addicts should take an annual polygraph.
Jul 3, 2016

Questions To Ask Your Husband

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If you just found out about your husbands addiction and are going through the full disclosure, these questions may be helpful to ask.
Jun 17, 2016

Do You Attract Abusers?

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Is There Something Wrong With You That Attracts Abusers?   No, you aren't an abuser magnet. There's nothing inherently wrong wi...
May 29, 2016

Latter Day Saint: Commanded To Forgive

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 Must We Forgive Those Who Harm Us And Is Forgiveness The Same As Trust? LDS.org Quotes The quotes below have brought me comfort. At fi...
Apr 27, 2016

70% of Men Look At Pornography (OLD)

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Pornography Statistics *Edit : These are old statistics. To see the newer statistics that shows 90-99% of men, go to my newer post ...
Apr 11, 2016

Gaslighting is Abuse.

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What is Gaslighting?  Quotes & Resources 1. Oxford Dictionary states: "Gaslight - Manipulate (someone) by psychological ...
Apr 3, 2016

Latter Day Saint: Is Sex a Responsibility?

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  Is it Your Responsibility to Have Sex With Your Husband?  Quotes From LDS Mormon Church Leaders Many wives struggle with feeling like ...
Apr 1, 2016

Is the Addiction Label Helpful or Hurtful?

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  Many people believe that using the term "sex addict" is detrimental, and should no longer be used when treating sex addict...
Feb 29, 2016

Latter Day Saint: Anger Can Be Healthy For Betrayed Wives

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To the innocent wives suffering Betrayal Trauma ❤ Is ALL anger bad? Should we always avoid anger at all costs? Why would Christ show ang...
Jan 21, 2016

Great Movie & Book Review Sites For Parents

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Movie Content Reviews   Movie/ TV Imdb.com Movie http://www.kids-in-mind.com   Movie/ TV/ Books/ Games/ Music http://www.plugge...
Jan 3, 2016

STOP Those Annoying Advertisments & Friend Suggestions

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  Make Your Computer Safer! Here is a list of ways to Opt-Out of many different types of "Interest Based Ads". I suggest optin...
Nov 12, 2015

Addiction Dictionary : Definitions of Common Addiction Terms

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ADDICTION -  "Addiction is the continued repetition of a behavior/rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences." (Note: ***...
Oct 29, 2015

Latter Day Saint: Unconditional Love and Boundaries

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Unconditional Love Requires Bounda ries Enabling is NOT Uncon d itional Love   "And know ye that ye shall be judges of this p...
Aug 8, 2015

Recovery: What It Is and What It Isn't

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What Is Recovery? Wanna know what the grande ol' mystery to Recovery is? The answer we all search for when figuring out if our partner...
Aug 2, 2015

Does Your Loved One Have These ADHD Symptoms?

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Does your sexually addicted loved one have any of these ADHD symptoms?: Lots of anxiety Racing thoughts (mind won't shut off) ...
Jul 17, 2015

I-Statements

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 How To Communicate "We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the...
May 2, 2015

Latter Day Saint: 90 Day Program Craziness

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Don't hate me.  I'm gonna say it... I cant stand the 90 day program. 
Apr 12, 2015

Choosing a Therapist

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"Do I need a Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist?" I don't (don't hate me) believe a CSAT is necessary. Actually, in m...
Mar 29, 2015

LDS Church's View On Emotional, Sexual & Physical Abuse: Quotes & Definitions

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What Is Abuse I think many of us hear abuse and we instantly think it only means being physically beaten and that unless we are being...
Mar 11, 2015

Affirmations Heal

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What are affirmations? I'll explain in a way that helped me understand them (I used to think they were hippy BS haha). We...
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About Me

Makemyburdenlight
I am a lived experience advocate for victims of betrayal abuse/intimate partner violence, and a recovering alcohol, drug, and sex addict. I am certified in Response Based Practice, and my passion is deconstructing victim blaming language, empowering victims to recognize their dignity and resistance to abuse, and exposing harmful teachings (especially within the trauma and sex addiction industry.)
View my complete profile

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