Boundaries are very important to me. I need to live in a peaceful loving and safe environment, and out of my love of my marriage, out of my love for my husband, out of love for myself, and out of love of my children, these are things I mentally and physically need in order to stay safe and maintain health and stability:
1. For the safety of me and the children, I cannot live with any unmonitored and unfiltered Internet device (computer, phone, TV etc) in my home. All devices must have Truple on them. If I learn of any unprotected device you have brought into my home without my knowledge, or that you removed any monitoring programs, I will need a separation for my safety.
2. I am only able to live with and stay married to you if you are actively trying to get INTO recovery and stay in recovery by consistently staying sober, reaching out, connecting, being fully honest/transparency, empathetic, being willing to own that this is an entitled ABUSE issue not an addiction issue, taking medications, being willing to take a polygraph, etc. If I do not see these efforts in sincere actions (not words), I will do whatever I need to keep me and my family safe.
3. I no longer am OK with you attending 12 step groups, sex addiction counseling (especially CSATS 🤮), or using any kind of sex addiction resources or materials. These resources are too coddling, fuel your entitlements, and kept you stuck for years, which furthered your abuse of me. Again, this is an entitled abuse issue, not a sex addiction issue. Addiction didn't make you do any of this. If you decide to go back to 12 steps or any sex addiction resources, I will immediately detach and do whatever I need to stay safe.
4. I am not able to live a healthy life with a husband who's in “addict mode”, or does crazy making behaviors to me or the children (this includes blaming, gaslighting, defensive behavior, minimizing, passive aggressive behavior, vindictiveness, entitlement, being sexist or misogynistic, etc.). It's too detrimental to my health and literally slowly kills me. I will immediately detach from any addict mode or crazy making and proceed to further action if needed for my safety.
5. In order for there to be safety in this marriage I need all future slips/relapses/acting out etc. to be disclosed within 24 hours. If I receive disclosure after 24hrs , OR I discover it myself, then that puts me and the kids in danger and I will do whatever it is that I need to do in order to feel safe (this could be ANYTHING that my intuition directs me to do, ie. separation for an undisclosed amount of time, sleeping in different rooms, detaching, etc.)
6. I will only have sex when I feel safe to. It greatly hurts me and damages my soul when I am treated like a piece of meat. I am a human being and my body is MINE and deserves to be loved and respected. For my mental health, I absolutely will NOT have sex if there is any pressure, whining, manipulation, gaslighting, groping, lude comments, if I'm feeling lusted after, if my gut intuition directs me not to, or if I feel like I'm being used for selfish desires.
7. Our family needs a father who is willing to financially provide for us and keep his job. I am only willing to sleep in the same room with a husband who is doing everything he can to achieve this.
8. If you ever hurt the kids, I will call the police and will need immediate separation.
*** My boundaries and safety needs are subject to change at any time. If I feel prompted to change any of these boundaries, I will let you know.***
