My Boundaries

Here's an example of what my personal boundaries look like 💗. For how to set Boundaries go HERE :

Boundaries are very important to me. I need to live in a peaceful loving and safe environment, and out of my love of my marriage, out of my love for my husband, out of love for myself, and out of love of my children, these are things I mentally and physically need in order to stay safe and maintain health and stability:

1. For the safety of me and the children, I cannot live with any unmonitored and unfiltered Internet device (computer, phone, TV etc) in my home. All devices must have Truple on them. If I learn of any unprotected device you have brought into my home without my knowledge, or that you removed any monitoring programs, I will need a separation for my safety.

2. I am only able to live with and stay married to you if you are actively trying to get INTO recovery and stay in recovery by consistently staying sober, reaching out, connecting, being fully honest/transparency, empathetic, being willing to own that this is an entitled ABUSE issue not an addiction issue, taking medications, being willing to take a polygraph, etc. If I do not see these efforts in sincere actions (not words), I will do whatever I need to keep me and my family safe. 

3. I no longer am OK with you attending 12 step groups, sex addiction counseling (especially CSATS 🤮), or using any kind of sex addiction resources or materials. These resources are too coddling, fuel your entitlements, and kept you stuck for years, which furthered your abuse of me. Again, this is an entitled abuse issue, not a sex addiction issue. Addiction didn't make you do any of this. If you decide to go back to 12 steps or any sex addiction resources, I will immediately detach and do whatever I need to stay safe. 

4. I am not able to live a healthy life with a husband who's in “addict mode”, or does crazy making behaviors to me or the children (this includes blaming, gaslighting, defensive behavior, minimizing, passive aggressive behavior, vindictiveness, entitlement, being sexist or misogynistic, etc.). It's too detrimental to my health and literally slowly kills me. I will immediately detach from any addict mode or crazy making and proceed to further action if needed for my safety. 

5. In order for there to be safety in this marriage I need all future slips/relapses/acting out etc. to be disclosed within 24 hours. If I receive disclosure after 24hrs , OR I discover it myself, then that puts me and the kids in danger and I will do whatever it is that I need to do in order to feel safe (this could be ANYTHING that my intuition directs me to do, ie. separation for an undisclosed amount of time, sleeping in different rooms, detaching, etc.) 

6. I will only have sex when I feel safe to. It greatly hurts me and damages my soul when I am treated like a piece of meat. I am a human being and my body is MINE and deserves to be loved and respected. For my mental health, I absolutely will NOT have sex if there is any pressure, whining, manipulation, gaslighting, groping, lude comments, if I'm feeling lusted after, if my gut intuition directs me not to, or if I feel like I'm being used for selfish desires. 

7. Our family needs a father who is willing to financially provide for us and keep his job. I am only willing to sleep in the same room with a husband who is doing everything he can to achieve this.  

8. If you ever hurt the kids, I will call the police and will need immediate separation. 

*** My boundaries and safety needs are subject to change at any time. If I feel prompted to change any of these boundaries, I will let you know.***

Correlation Between Video Games And Sex Addiction

CORRELATION BETWEEN VIDEO GAMES AND PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION

Watch this video on the science behind pornography addiction. Video games reward the same areas of the brain. They hijack dopamine/the reward circuit. So if you are a pornography or sexual addict,  doing ANYTHING that promotes isolation along with fantasy,  while also creating novelty and rewarding the same areas of the brain as porn, is a bad bad bad combination. Whether they are getting their drug high and isolation, fantasy,  and novelty hit from porn or from video games, neither are going to be good for the addict brain.

Latter Day Saint: Judge Others

What The Church Says About Judging Others

"Thou shalt not judge" is a common accusatory (and quite shaming) misconception I hear quite often. Except we are not commanded to "not judge", and are actually commanded to judge righteously. Its sometimes hard to judge what our own safety is if we don't judge what the danger is. We must learn to judge and discern evil threats. The scriptures and the church can help us navigate this 👍

How to Do Self EMDR

 

Self EMDR

Here's how to do POSITIVE self EMDR to help with trauma and help you love yourself. No therapist is needed because there's no digging into scary trauma, its just about getting the EMDR to open up your brain and better receive the affirmation **WARNING: Do not do this with traumatic memories without a therapist. I am not liable for anything that happens **