May 2, 2015

Latter Day Saint: 90 Day Program Craziness

Don't hate me. 

I'm gonna say it...

I cant stand the 90 day program. 

In this program from they take addicts, give them a sponsor, make them rush through the 12 steps in 90 days, and then make them sponsors themselves to other addicts starting out in the program. (This is a completely different program than SA's "90 meetings in 90 days") The program was well intentioned. The idea was GREAT. The program? Severely lacking.

So what don't I like about it?

No one who is only 90 days sober (I mean, ITS BARELY 3 MONTHS. WHAT?) should ever be a sponsor. Ever. They don't even know HOW to be in long term sobriety themselves, how can they counsel someone else on how to get into long term sobriety?

Anyone else smell danger from this? :)

Imagine going to school to learn algebra and after a few classes of learning basic math you turned around and taught a class on how to do algebra. Sounds great right?

Because it makes sense.

Says no-one.

Not only does it run the risk of more relapsing and not thoroughly processed steps, but it also runs the risk of breeding a large amount of "algebra teachers" who only know basic math.

Im not saying it's impossible for it to be helpful for some. I'm sure men HAVE done this program and have found long term sobriety/recovery. If someone is truly repentant, they will do whatever it takes to get better and MOST program's could help. 

I guess the general rule then is to be careful of ANY sponsor from ANY program by asking them questions first to make sure they believe the same things. Treat it like a job position that THEY have to quality for.


Sponsors are not created equal, they aren't one size fits all. Don't be afraid to ask questions before choosing them as your sponsor, and make sure your beliefs line up.
Some sponsors will partake with the addict in blaming the wife and help fuel the incorrect harmful belief  "My wife is crazy and obsessive". Also its extremely sad and very dangerous when you have a sponsor who's telling an habitual lying addict they don't have to tell their wife details, or that they don't have to tell their wife about relapses, slips or triggers etc. And worst is when you have a sponsor who tells an addict "Oh, you only viewed softcore porn for 2 min but you didn't masturbate? Awesome, that's not a relapse, you don't have to start over your sobriety date. Good job for stopping yourself and not masturbating! Your doing great and your in Recovery!". 

(Ha, I mean, REALLY sponsors?)

If a sponsor ever says you don't need to tell your wife, or tells you masturbating (with or without finishing) or looking at ANY type of porn (even 2 min) isn't "big" enough to count as a relapse/slip and restart your sobriety etc, etc,....

Then RUN. 

Even though having a bad sponsor can happen with any sex addiction sponsor from any program, AGAIN, the general rule is to be careful of ALL sex addiction sponsor's regardless of the program. 

Sponsors aren't there to make addict's comfortable and to "feel good". Addicts are SUPPOSED TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE. No one changes their entire life and becomes a new person while staying comfortable.

And it is NOT a sponsors job to make sure an addict is accountable! No sponsor should put more work into it than their sponsee's.

In the end, I am just thankful the 90 day program is NOT technically a part of the LDS Church's Addiction Recovery Program. Sadly, I'm not sure everyone knows that.
Me and my husband sure didn't.

Spread the word.