Thursday, October 25, 2018

Codependency Harms

History of Codependency

The term codependency (or co-addict) was a word made up by a bunch of addicts from Alcoholics Anonymous, founded in 1935, and was then used by Al-Anon (Sister of AA) when it was formed in 1951. The word later became widely popular by therapists and also authors like Melody Beattie in the 1980's. Addicts basically believed their loved ones were acting just as crazy as an addict by displaying similar behaviors (what they considered to be obsession, controlling, neediness, paranoia, ritualizing etc.) and so they assumed their loved ones must be "addicted" to the addict, therefore needing the exact same 12 steps as the addict (same wording and everything). This is why Al-Anon and S-anon and COSA etc. were created, to help treat all the obsessed dysfunctional family members of addicts --- also so they'd no longer hinder the addicts recovery. These 12 step manuals subtly teach family members the belief that they have just as many issues and are as diseased as the addict 😒

However, over the years more therapists have come to realize that family members of addicts WEREN'T actually exhibiting addict or diseased behaviors, but were instead experiencing trauma/PTSD, just like a rape victim or war veteran. Family members didn't have a disease, they were simply INJURED --- the cause is external and not a direct result of one's internal issues. (Click HERE to see if your trauma meets the PTSD diagnosis). 

The codependency label is not only an incorrect label to automatically apply to wives of sex addicts or abuse victims, but has the possibility of being very dangerous because it places undue blame on wives for their completely natural reactions to being injured by their husband's choices. Most behaviors thought of as codependency (hypervigilance/ obsession, worrying about what a spouse thinks, lack of boundaries, being controlled by an addict, "loving" the addict more than they love you, etc.) are instead natural NORMAL symptoms of a trauma injury, much like screaming out in pain or being full of fear after being run over by a semi truck, and they are NOT because wives are doing something "wrong". We wouldn't tell someone who was just run over by a semi truck that their natural reaction to pain means there's something mentally wrong with them, would we? πŸ’— 

Top 4 Myths of The Codependency Model 

Myth #1 Wives Allow Their Husband's To Mistreat Them (Ie. Wives are partly to blame for doing nothing to stop it)

Codependency blames victims of trauma

Sunday, July 15, 2018

EMDR Therapy To Treat Addiction

What Causes Addiction? 

Addiction tree

I believe there is always a CAUSE of an addiction. I don't think it just magically happens to random people, its not a lottery. I see addiction like a tree with deep roots. Many addiction treatments out there simply focus on fixing the symptoms of the addiction (ie. Acting out, negative behaviors, lying etc) which are the branches and leaves of the tree. Which is GREATπŸ‘. But when you only cut branches off the tree, what happens? = It eventually grows more branches. It might take days, months, or years to grow back, but the tree and its roots are still alive. If someone struggling with an addiction wants to get into long term Sober Recovery (And I mean LONG term Recovery. Years and years with zero acting out. Recovery requires sobriety). Its crucial to dig deep and fix the ROOT CAUSE of the addiction, which studies show could be many many different things like trauma, untreated ADHD or mental illness, genetics, or more often than not all of the above. Sadly though many (or most) people who struggle with addiction aren't aware, or their brains even forgot about any trauma they experienced. But it's good to remember that lack of knowledge or loss of memory does not automatically mean a person does not have trauma. I think addiction in and of itself is evidence that SOMETHING deeper is fueling it.

One way to help treat the cause of addiction is through EMDR Therapy by a qualified counselor who understands trauma & addiction. It has personally helped me immensely, and also my husband immensely. If you know anyone who has struggled with addiction, please pass on this info πŸ’—