FYI: The CSAT training is FULL OF CODEPENDENCY/victim blaming. Stefanie Carnes runs the CSAT trainings (her father Patrick Carnes made up the CSAT label and lets her run it. The same Patrick Carnes that also said parents are sexually attracted to their children 🤮 See screenshot at the bottom) and she teaches future CSATs information about betrayal trauma out of her "Facing Heartbreak" book which has a ton of victim blaming in it.
This means that therapists are being told in their CSAT training they are learning "betrayal trauma", when in fact they are learning a hybrid of victim blaming models and betrayal trauma, and they likely don't even know it.... after all, the Carnes are the "experts" in the sex addiction industry, what reason do they have to question what they are taught? (Examples of victim blaming models : Codependency, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm Syndrome, Reactive Abuse, Learned Helplessness, Prodependency, telling victims they are acting like a victim, in victim mode, or in victim mentality, etc).
Stefanie Carnes and the CSAT community still have a lot to learn about trauma & abuse. No good therapist would ever say such horrible blaming things below to a woman who has been raped, so why would they say it to a betrayed wife who's being abused?
Are all CSATs uneducated? No. But most are, and it's important to remember that the CSAT label doesn't automatically mean a therapist is good. If someone found a good CSAT therapist then I promise it had nothing to do with their weekend long CSAT training 💗.
(Update, the CSAT training as of 2024 is around 140 hours long, it's no longer 2 weekends long.)
Here's some info about Stefanie Carnes & Facing Heartbreak, and also a few concerning things Patrick Carnes has said :
1. Stefanie Carnes said in a Helping Couples Heal podcast that only 1-2% of CSATS are using the victim blaming codependency model. But according to polls in multiple betrayal groups, MOST victims who've had experience with a CSAT were blamed in some way by the CSAT. Just because the Carnes empire tried to stop saying the word codependency AS often (they didn't completely stop using it), doesn't mean they stopped using the same treatment for codependency.
Stefanie Carnes SAYS she's pro "trauma model" now, but she's clearly still heavily using the victim blaming models.
2. In Stefanie Carnes workbook "Facing Heartbreak", Stefanie lists what she calls "Secret cloak like behaviors" victims do that are "crazy making reactive choices" which are part of the "toxic dance". Some of those behaviors are things like (*Keep in mind that Stefanie's father owns the publishing company, so she could have updated this book at any time, but she still hasn't. Why is that? Because she still believes it.):
"Snooping
Searching files
Canceling magazine subscriptions
Searching the home
Searching his phone
Installing computer Spyware (FYI, this is also called Monitoring software. They are the same thing)
Hiring a private detective
Throwing away porn stashes
Adopting a victim stance " - - (whaaaat? Victims of abuse ARE victims, wth? 🙄)
Etc... The list goes on.
Heaven forbid us victims ever try to find the truth for ourselves in order to keep our lives and homes SAFE. I guess shame on us for choosing to engage in such "toxic crazy making reactions". 🤦♀️
On the next page in Facing Heartbreak, it lists "Dagger like behaviors". Stefanie says "A dagger brings to mind the potential for pain and damage.... emotions that are not expressed appropriately in the relatinship can 'cut' the addict....Circle all the destructive dagger-like behaviors you have used when reacting to your partners sex addiction. "
Here's a few from this list:
"Yelling
Silence
Blaming
Gaining Weight (... 😯😯)
Profanity
Telling children of partners addictions
Calling addict names
Threats of telling church leaders
Monitoring progress with anger
Interrogating
Demands for attention "
🙄
So wives, don't you dare gain weight while in trauma from all the lying, cheating, and abuse upbeat experienced, that would be a "dagger like behavior" and would "cut" the poor addict abuser and hurt both of you. Also, don't blame him for something he really did do, that's bad. AND even though you're in such horrible pain and trauma and are so confused and gaslit you don't know up from down, DON'T EVEN THINK about having any negative emotions that could lead to yelling, profanity, or even telling your children, church leaders, or basically ANYONE, because that would be viewed as a threat by your addict husbands! 🫢🫣
Tsk. Tsk.
And THIS is what every CSAT learns. 🤯
Fantastic.
Helpful Tip: You can always tell when advice/treatment is from victim blaming models by asking yourself this question: "Would they say the same thing if instead I was brutally raped by a stranger?". If not, then it's likely victim blaming.
3. Patrick and Stefanie Carnes believe masturbation can be healthy for some sex addicts....Which is like saying an alcoholic can have a few healthy glasses of wine with dinner. 😳
Here's a Google doc with screenshots: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WUtLnsfmtJtV2F-prT4_YOKSfO_dRaejlVJ0HudDpM0/edit?usp=drivesdk
4. Someone informed me recently that IITAPs pastoral PSAP course (it's just like the CSAT course, but Carnes created it for religious leaders) was full of victim blaming as well. The CSAT therapist Marnie Ferree who was running the betrayal trauma portion of the PSAP course (which was only 1.5 hours out of a 64 hour course 🙄 You can become a betrayal Trauma expert in only 1.5 hours, yeah👍🙌🤣) told everyone in the class that the codependency/co-addict model is correct, but that the "trauma /abuse people" took over and changed the codependency /co-addict meaning (no they didn't🙄), and thats why Stefanie Carnes changed some of the wording in her books but kept the treatment of codependency/co-addiction. Marnie also stated that people like Barbara Steffens and Dr Omar Minwalla went "too far". 😳
(*Note: Barbara is great! I'm not a fan of Dr Minwalla since he's also victim blaming and abuser coddling, but thankfully he is against the label "codependency")
This completely validated what I've been saying for years: The people in the Carnes empire are NOT trauma or abuse/violence informed, and are NOT truly teaching about betrayal trauma . They are only saying they are in order to not be blacklisted by the growing number of educated women & therapists who are anti codependency & victim blaming.
Heck, Stefanie Carnes' whole coming out video in 2013 where she basically said "I no longer believe in codependency, I never felt it fit. It's trauma, not codependency" (paraphrasing) were just pretty words, because she was only talking about the WORD, not the belief behind codependency or the codependency TREATMENT. And even then, she still chose to use the word codependency in her books🤦, my guess is so she didn't piss off the outdated "pro codependency" crowd. I believe Carnes's "trauma awakening" was all a PR stunt so the Carnes empire didn't lose business. But they still actively using the victim blaming codependency model.
Feels like widespread gaslighting, eh?
What's also sad is that therapists taking the CSAT courses are so convinced it's "trauma informed" (because again, that's what they're told), when you try to tell these CSAT therapists that the information they learned about betrayal trauma at the CSAT training is misinformed and victim blaming, most of them act like you just insulted their grandma and won't listen to any facts or reason, since hey they are the "trained professionals" after all, right? They learned from the "best experts" in the industry".
It's a giant mess.🤦♀️
** FYI, when I say Carnes or sex addiction empire, I mean everything that Patrick & Stefanie Carnes built and/or are working at. Here's a few :
- IITAP - The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals
- SASH - Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health
- CSAT - Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (and ASAT, Associate)
- CMAT - Certified Multiple Addiction Therapist
- CPTT - Certified Partner and Trauma Therapist (and APTT, Associate)
- PSAP - Pastoral Sex Addiction Professiona (like CSAT but pastoral)
- AFAR - American Foundation for Addiction Research
- GentlePath (intensive, books, publishing company, etc)
- PineGrove Gratitude program
- The Meadows addiction treatment
5. Here's more harmful things the Carnes have said about abuse victims, like saying victims are "addicted to trauma". It's nauseating....
Trauma Bonding:
https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2021/05/victim-blaming-post-6-trauma-bonded.html?m=1
More of a deep history of how "trauma bonding" was created. It was largely based on someone who turned out to be a fraud and a liar:
https://www.facebook.com/1115055381/posts/10226934807292243/?app=fbl
Here's Carnes saying parents are naturally sexually attracted to children, & is also where he talks about a father named Vern who raped his daughters and calls that rape "intensely active sexually". Not rape, abuse, molestion, etc. or any of the accurate terms, but "intensely active sexually", as if it's consensual or just some ordinary sexual action. 🤮
In fact, Carnes never once calls this dude an abuser or says his action are abusive. Oh, but you bet your bottom that Carnes made sure to talk about "poor" Verns childhood trauma, and had no issues calling his childhood trauma "abuse" 🙄:
My Facebook post about it :
