Nov 15, 2022

How To Find A Safe Therapist

Here's how I personally find a safe therapist:


- Go to PsychologyToday website and input your zip code.


- Then narrow down the search by clicking on "Issues" and selecting the options Domestic Abuse and Sexual Abuse. ***Do NOT select Addiction or Sexual Addiction!! You don't need an addiction therapist, you need a therapist who understands abuse and abusers. Plus, most sex addiction therapists are victim blaming and abuser coddling. If a therapist TRULY understands DV/IPV, abusers choices, victims' resistance, etc., then everything sex addiction /betrayal trauma related should be automatic common sense) 


- Then click on "Types", and select EMDR. (EMDR is very helpful for trauma)


- You can also click on "Gender" and select a female or male. I personally prefer to see women.


- If you're going through insurance you can also narrow down the search based on your insurance. 


- Then read each therapists bio and make sure they don't list "Codependency" under issues they specialize in. Email each therapist candidate that looks good to you. This is usually what I write to therapists when I try to vet them :

"I'm looking for a therapist who specializes in abuse, DV/intimate partner violence, abusers choices, and coercive control 💗 

Do you believe in or use any of these modalities in a victims treatment?: Codependency, Trauma Bonded, Prodependency, Stockholm Syndrome, Learned Helplessness, Drama Triangle, etc.?? 

I also need a therapist who understands patriarchy/misogyny, the harm pornography does against women/how it fuels trafficking, and won't say a husbands abuse, continual porn use, and cheating are "normal" and ok. 

Do you have experience in all of these things?"


If the therapist writes back and says they use any of those victim blaming modalities then don't use them! Move on to the next. Having no therapist is always better than a therapist who will blame you. 


Here's a list of things to look out for when determining if the therapist is a good fit :

https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2019/11/how-to-tell-if-your-therapist-is.html?m=1

 

*TIPS*: If you don't get many search results, try removing sexual abuse (but not DV).  And never remove the EMDR option unless you absolutely for sure have to. 

Don't be afraid to ask questions. Remember, the therapist works for you. Think of it like a job interview. NEVER ASSUME A THERAPIST KNOWS HOW TO HELP YOU JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE A LICENSE. A license is completely irrelevant if they aren't thoroughly educated in abuse and victims of abuse. I mean, you wouldn't go to a train mechanic if you need an airplane fixed, right? 

Also, therapists are like jeans, sometimes you have to try on a few (or a ton) to find the right fit. If one doesn't fit, it's not your fault the jean maker didn't make your fit and size 💕


Fantastic article with more question examples to ask a therapist 🙌 :

https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2017/05/08/finding-a-good-counselor/?fbclid=IwAR1L5qKUZEDiAiwPEOZo0ErqkQw65s5oH7IYpr50wS4LTHiJjfd1n9ZG104