Surprisingly, most professionals actually don't understand what victim blaming is.
Because if they did, they wouldn't still be doing it.
A recent poll suggests that in the last five years 93% of betrayed wives have had an experience with a therapist blaming them, especially blaming them by using the codependency model. Another poll indicates 74% of wives have had experiences with a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) who still used victim blaming modalities like the codependency model.
This is shocking because CSATs "claim" they've been trained in the "trauma model" (a phrase that sadly doesn't mean much anymore). The facilitator of the CSAT training and daughter of the man who created the Carnes empire, Dr. Stephanie Carnes, has even recently stated on a podcast that only 1-2% of CSATs still use the codependency model.
Why the discrepancy?
Sadly it's popular for many therapists to SAY they understand trauma and use the "trauma model", but instead will still covertly use the outdated codependency model (they just won't mention the actual word "codependency", as if that makes it any better?), and other victim blaming labels like, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm Syndrome, Prodependency, Drama Triangle, Learned Helplessness, Reactive Abuse, etc. This leaves many unsuspecting traumatized victims unknowingly following codependent/victim blaming beliefs, and in danger of being re-traumatized by well-intentioned therapists.
Sadly it's popular for many therapists to SAY they understand trauma and use the "trauma model", but instead will still covertly use the outdated codependency model (they just won't mention the actual word "codependency", as if that makes it any better?), and other victim blaming labels like, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm Syndrome, Prodependency, Drama Triangle, Learned Helplessness, Reactive Abuse, etc. This leaves many unsuspecting traumatized victims unknowingly following codependent/victim blaming beliefs, and in danger of being re-traumatized by well-intentioned therapists.
This doesn't automatically mean every therapist
who gives out this advice is "bad," it just means they don't yet
fully understand trauma or abuse and need further education so they don't continue to
inadvertently harm their patients (and I mean more trauma & abuse education outside of the Carnes Empire sphere, like maybe Response Based Practice, perhaps?😊). I’m not saying to instantly leave your
therapist, I’m just saying to educate yourself on victim blaming language and
ideas.
What is the victim blaming language that you should be aware of?
Here are the most commonly used blaming phrases and ideas, followed by a break down of why it's victim blaming. Basically, according to the US Department of Justice, Harvard Law, United Nations, etc., anything that puts any type of responsibility onto the victim for why they are abused, are with an abuser, or are traumatized by an abuser, is considered victim blaming:
