Nov 23, 2019

How To Tell If Your Therapist Is Covertly Victim Blaming

  A recent poll suggests that 93% of betrayed wives have had an experience with a therapist blaming them by using the codependency model in the last five years. Another ongoing poll indicates 74% of wives have had experiences with a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) who still use victim blaming modalities like the codependency model. This is shocking because CSATs "claim" they've been trained in the trauma model and the facilitator of the CSAT training, Dr. Stephanie Carnes, has even recently stated on a podcast that only 1-2% of CSATs still use the codependency model. Why the discrepancy? 

Sadly many therapists SAY they understand trauma and use the trauma model, but will still covertly use the outdated codependency model (they just won't mention the actual word "codependency"), and other victim blaming labels like, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm Syndrome, Prodependency, Drama Triangle, Learned Helplessness, Reactive Abuse, etc. This leaves many unsuspecting traumatized wives following the codependent/victim blaming beliefs, and in danger of being re-traumatized by a well-intentioned therapist.

This doesn't automatically mean every therapist who gives out this advice is "bad," it just means they don't yet fully understand trauma and need further education so they don't continue to inadvertently harm their patients (and I mean more trauma education outside of the Carnes sphere, like maybe Response Based Practice, perhaps?😊). I’m not saying to instantly leave your therapist, I’m just saying to educate yourself on victim blaming language and ideas.

Knowing these warning signs can help protect you so you can better know when to stand up for yourself. 💗

What is the victim blaming language that you should be aware of? Here are the most commonly used phrases and ideas, followed at the end by a break down of each one :

If a therapist ever: