(Note: *** Lack of fequency is not always an indicator of addiction. Acting out can be once a day, once a week, once a month, or even once a year etc. and still be an addiction)
PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION - 1. Pornography addiction is an addiction characterized by repeated use of
pornographic material until it causes serious negative consequences to
one's physical, mental, social, and/or financial well-being.
2 . An "addiction to, or dependence upon, pornography, characterized by
obsessive viewing, reading, and thinking about pornography and sexual
themes to the detriment of other areas of the viewer’s life." - Free Dictionary
3 . Prolonged viewing of pornography - books, magazines,
movies, or Internet pornography - that has destructive effects on the
life of a person.
SEX ADDICTION - Sex addiction is the umbrella term for all addictions that are sexual in nature (porn, Masturbation, in person affairs, etc), just like drug addiction is the umbrella term for all kinds of drug addictions).
ACTING OUT - Intentionally seeking out any sexual stimulus, even if "accidental" at first. Ex. If you accidently come across sexual stimulus, but you choose to keep looking, that's still acting out. DEFINITE lines of acting out: pornography, masturbation, infidelity, emotional infidelity, inappropriate relationships with someone other than your partner, chatting with women, flirting, sex ad browsing, voyeurism, forcing/coercing anyone to have sex (this is sexual abuse. Even if it’s with their partner, it's still considered sexual abuse), & massage brothels.
SEX ADDICTION - Sex addiction is the umbrella term for all addictions that are sexual in nature (porn, Masturbation, in person affairs, etc), just like drug addiction is the umbrella term for all kinds of drug addictions).
ACTING OUT - Intentionally seeking out any sexual stimulus, even if "accidental" at first. Ex. If you accidently come across sexual stimulus, but you choose to keep looking, that's still acting out. DEFINITE lines of acting out: pornography, masturbation, infidelity, emotional infidelity, inappropriate relationships with someone other than your partner, chatting with women, flirting, sex ad browsing, voyeurism, forcing/coercing anyone to have sex (this is sexual abuse. Even if it’s with their partner, it's still considered sexual abuse), & massage brothels.
PORNOGRAPHY - ANY sexual stimulus outside of an intimate relationship that a sex addict uses to get lust hits from. This could be hard core pornography, or soft core pornography like bikinis, women in workout videos, intentionally checking out women in public, looking up pictures of feet if the sex addict is into feet, or sexual content in books, comics, movies, TV, cartoons, phone apps, etc. Basically, if an addict is intentionally using the stimulus to get lust hits from, then they are turning it into their own personal porn. This doesn't mean the woman in the bikini or a woman in sandals is literal porn, this means the addict is objectifying her and turning her into porn for himself. In the end, whether it was a woman naked or a woman clothed, if an addict is intentionally seeking it out for sexual stimulus, then it does the same thing to the brain by keeping the addiction neural pathways alive. The point of healing is for those neural pathways to go dormant, which can't be done if it's still being activated by the addict consuming sexual stimulus outside of an intimate relationship.
(***LDS .org Definition of Pornography -
"Pornography is any visual or written medium created with the intent to sexually stimulate. If the work was not intended to stimulate but nevertheless causes sexual arousal in an individual, it constitutes pornography for that person."
"Pornography is any visual or written medium created with the intent to sexually stimulate. If the work was not intended to stimulate but nevertheless causes sexual arousal in an individual, it constitutes pornography for that person."
&
"Pornography is any entertainment that uses immodest or
indecent images to stimulate sexual feelings. So even a mainstream
television program or advertisement can be pornographic. If images
trigger sexual feelings in you, you should avoid them."
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1977/06/i-have-a-question?lang=eng )
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1977/06/i-have-a-question?lang=eng )
MASTURBATION or MB - 1. "To stimulate yourself sexually. In other words, to have sex by yourself, with yourself."
2. "Get sexual gratification through self-stimulation"
3. "Erotic stimulation especially of one's own genital
organs commonly resulting in orgasm and achieved by manual or other
bodily contact exclusive of sexual intercourse, by instrumental
manipulation, occasionally by sexual fantasies, or by various
combinations of these agencies."
*** Note they use the word "usually" and not "always". Sexually stimulating oneself with, or without orgasm, is still masturbation. Whether it's done with a hand, or an object, if they are stimulating themselves it's considered masturbation.
(Spencer W Kimball said on lds.org :
" Masturbation is not physically necessary. There is already a way by
which the male system relieves excessive spermatic fluid quite regularly
through the nocturnal emission or wet dream. " )
S.L.I.P -- "Sexual Sobriety Lost its Priority" - A slip is a
one-time unexpected unplanned break in abstinence. Slips are
significant events that call for immediate attention because they can
easily lead to relapses. Since it is acting out in ones addiction it
requires a restart in sobriety. (Learn more HERE)
RELAPSE - A relapse is to resume acting out after a period of abstinence.
Since it is acting out in ones addiction it requires a restart in
sobriety. (Learn more HERE)
LAPSE - A lapse is somewhere confusingly in between relapse and a slip. Since it is acting out in ones addiction it requires a restart in sobriety.
SOBRIETY - Sobriety is completely abstaining from acting out in one's addiction. (See Acting Out)
RECOVERY - 1. "A return to a healthy functioning state of mind, strength, or health" :
2. "A voluntarily maintained lifestyle characterized by sobriety, personal health and citizenship.” - The Betty Ford Institute
3. “Recovery from addiction is a process of change through
which an individual achieves abstinence and improved health, wellness
and quality of life.” - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services
Administration (SAMHSA)
4. “A process of overcoming both physical and
psychological dependence on an addiction with a commitment to
abstinence-based sobriety” - American Society of Addiction Medicine (Learn more about what is/isn't Recovery HERE)*** NOTE : Recovery REQUIRES sobriety, honesty, and healthiness. If an addict is still acting out, or lying, abusing, gaslighting, getting defensive, not being empathetic, etc. then they are not healthy, which means they are NOT IN RECOVERY.***
SEXUAL CONTACT - "ANY contact, in person or over an electronic device, with another person that is a sexual in nature. This includes kissing, hugging, cuddling, intercourse, oral sex, touching any part of the body, dry humping, sexting, texting, phone calls, sending /receiving pictures, chatting online, contacting old affair partners or hook up interests, etc. "
SEXUAL CONTACT - "ANY contact, in person or over an electronic device, with another person that is a sexual in nature. This includes kissing, hugging, cuddling, intercourse, oral sex, touching any part of the body, dry humping, sexting, texting, phone calls, sending /receiving pictures, chatting online, contacting old affair partners or hook up interests, etc. "
EDGING - Arousing oneself without orgasming. Your Brain on Porn states: "It's important to realize that sexual stimulation is by far the highest level of dopamine naturally produced. Dopamine is at its peak when on the verge of orgasming (edging). In the pre-Internet days, guys would usually masturbate, orgasm and be done with it - it might take 10 minutes or so. At orgasm, prolactin rises, which drops dopamine to baseline levels and inhibits its release. That normally spells some relief.
Placing your foot on the dopamine gas, without ever hitting the brake (prolactin) results in a continuous state of cravings without satisfaction."
ADDICT MODE - An addict in "Mr Hyde" mentality who is defensive, abusive, blaming, passive aggressive, manipulating, lying, gaslighting, or vindictive, etc.
DRY DRUNK - A term used for an addict that stops acting out with their "drug" of choice but whose behavior is still dysfunctional as if they were acting out. Basically, an addict who gets sober but isn't healthy.
"An alcoholic who is not currently drinking alcohol but is still following an irregular undisciplined lifestyle like that of a drunkard." Dictionary.com
Placing your foot on the dopamine gas, without ever hitting the brake (prolactin) results in a continuous state of cravings without satisfaction."
ADDICT MODE - An addict in "Mr Hyde" mentality who is defensive, abusive, blaming, passive aggressive, manipulating, lying, gaslighting, or vindictive, etc.
DRY DRUNK - A term used for an addict that stops acting out with their "drug" of choice but whose behavior is still dysfunctional as if they were acting out. Basically, an addict who gets sober but isn't healthy.
"An alcoholic who is not currently drinking alcohol but is still following an irregular undisciplined lifestyle like that of a drunkard." Dictionary.com
WHITE KNUCKLING - Sober but still an unhealthy a-hole.
ADDICT-CENTRIC - Treatment that is solely centered around the addict abuser, where even the partners treatment is ultimately to help the addicts treatment in some way. The victims safety is not put first. The underlying belief here is that if the partner heals the damage caused by the addict and can be supportive, the addict has a greater chance at success. This is problematic because the victims' safety should ALWAYS come first, in both the victims treatment and the addict abusers treatment. Whenever a victims safety is not put first, harm is likely to increase significantly. Also, what's best for the addict is also to put the victims safety first.
Here are just a few examples of an addict-centric approach with partners:
- Waiting a year for disclosure, because the therapists is coddling him and doesn't think he's "ready" to be honest (although the partner needs the information ASAP to make informed decisions).
- A therapist not letting the partner have a copy of the disclosure or polygraph report.
- Sending victims to 12 step groups in order to fix their own "addiction or disease" (these groups were originally designed to fix the "pesky wives" so they "stop hurting the addicts efforts at recovery").
- Labeling the partner as “co-addicted” or "codependent" simply based upon a relationship, among others.
- Labeling the partner as “co-addicted” or "codependent" simply based upon a relationship, among others.
- Any and all victim blaming beliefs.
- Treating addicts like poor wounded broken animals who can't help it and can't do hard things.
- Treating an addicts childhood trauma as direct treatment for the sex addiction.
Etc.
SA - Sex addict
SA - Sex addict
PA - Porn addict
🌽 - Corn = porn
🍇 - Grape= rape
STBX - Soon to be ex
CSAT - Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist, which is created by Patrick Carnes, the same Patrick Carnes who also said that parents are naturally sexually attracted to their own children. I personally do not recommend CSATS or any sex addiction therapist, since they are taught many victim blaming & addict centric beliefs. Be careful. Read more HERE. Here is more organizations created by Patrick Carnes :
*IITAP - The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals
*Website sexhelp. com
*SASH - Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health
*CMAT - Certified Multiple Addiction Therapist
*CPTT - Certified Partner and Trauma Therapist (and APTT, Associate)
*PSAP - Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (like CSAT but pastoral)
*AFAR - American Foundation for Addiction Research
*GentlePath (intensive, books, publishing company, etc)
*PineGrove Gratitude program
*The Meadows, addiction treatment center
D-DAY - Many victims refer to this as Discover Day, Disclosure Day, Destruction Day, Dooms Day, etc etc. It's the day they found out the truth and everything came crashing down.
BOUNDARIES - A boundary is "the limit of what someone considers to be acceptable behavior" - Collins Dictionary. Boundaries are also the physical, emotional and mental limits a person establish's to protect themselves from being harmed. Boundaries are about what "I" need and will do. Not about what the abuser needs and will do. IMPORTANT : All victims already have boundaries. No one wants to be lied to, cheated on, or abused, THAT in and of itself is already a boundary. Addict abusers knew of this boundary when they first met the victim, which is why they chose to lie about who they were. Any effort a victim makes at getting safe IS a boundary, and is healthy, even if it's ineffective. To learn how to set even more boundaries, go HERE.
FULL DISCLOSURE - 1. The action of making secret or new information known. Basically the addict tells the truth about everything. It's often written down. You can do it with it without a therapist. Many of us choose to do the full disclosures ourselves because there's not enough good therapists who are educated in abuse. Be careful when doing a disclosure through a CSAT/sex addiction therapist, they likely will coddle addicts, blame victims, and tell addicts not to disclose certain details, and/or refuse to let victims have a copy of the disclosure even though a victim has every right to it. To learn more about CSATs go HERE. For tips on finding a safe therapist, go HERE.
CO-ADDICT - This label is crap and often used to describe a partner of an addict but
is incorrect and outdated. It basically means the partner of addicts are also just as addicted, diseased and messed up as the addict 🙄 The reality is the majority of partners of sex addicts are NOT co-addicts and instead
have trauma from betrayal abuse. See "Codependent". Codependency and Co-addiction are the same thing.
CODEPENDENT - This label is crap, incorrect, and outdated. It means someone is just as addicted, diseased, and messed up as the addict. Statistically MOST
wives are NOT codependent and instead have trauma from being abused. (Learn more about Codependency HERE & HERE)
INDEPENDENT - The ability to function on your own. Free from outside control; not depending on another's authority.
INTERDEPENDANT - Two independent people come together in a healthy equally giving/supporting relationship.
ENTITLEMENT - To believe that one has the right to do or get whatever they want, no matter who it hurts. All sex addicts have entitlement, which is the biggest issue.
ABUSE - 1. To treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way. Continually lying and cheating (with porn, in person, etc.) is always a form of abuse.
**LDS Church's view on Emotional, Physical, & Sexual Abuse: "Abuse is the treatment of others or self in a way that causes injury or offense. It harms the mind and the spirit and often injures the body as well. It can cause confusion, doubt, mistrust, and fear. It is a violation of the laws of society and is in total opposition to the teachings of the Savior. The Lord condemns abusive behavior in any form—physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional. Abusive behavior may lead to Church discipline."
&
“Abuse is the physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual mistreatment of others. It may not only harm the body, but it can deeply affect the mind and spirit, destroying faith and causing confusion, doubt, mistrust, guilt, and fear”
“Abuse is the physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual mistreatment of others. It may not only harm the body, but it can deeply affect the mind and spirit, destroying faith and causing confusion, doubt, mistrust, guilt, and fear”
3. Elder James E. Faust: “Any form of physical or mental abuse to any woman is not worthy of any priesthood holder. … This, of course, means verbal as well as physical abuse”
4. Gordon B Hinckley: "We condemn most strongly abusive behavior in any form. We denounce the physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse of one’s spouse or children.
No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to hold the priesthood of God. No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to be a member in good standing in this Church. The abuse of one’s spouse and children is a most serious offense before God, and any who indulge in it may expect to be disciplined by the Church”
5. Lds .org: "The Church’s position is that abuse cannot be tolerated in any form. Those who abuse or are cruel to their spouses, children, other family members, or anyone else violate the laws of God and man. All members, especially parents and leaders, are encouraged to be alert and diligent and do all they can to protect children and others against abuse and neglect. Members who have abused others are subject to Church discipline. (Learn more HERE)No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to hold the priesthood of God. No man who abuses his wife or children is worthy to be a member in good standing in this Church. The abuse of one’s spouse and children is a most serious offense before God, and any who indulge in it may expect to be disciplined by the Church”
ADHD, ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVE DISORDER - It's extremely common for addicts to have ADHD. While ADHD does NOT make someone lie, cheat, and abuse, if an addict truly wants to get better, being treated for ADHD can help make it easier. IT IS NOT A FIX.
TRIGGER - To cause (an event or situation) to happen or exist./ An event that precipitates other events./ To set off; initiate.
TRAUMA - A normal response to something scary or harmful that happened to you. We've all experienced trauma at one time or another. What makes a negative event traumatizing isn't so much the life-threatening nature of the event, but rather the degree of helplessness experienced and one's history of prior trauma. If we were able to stop the negative event, our survival brain (amygdala) doesn't need to file the signals of a trauma as an ongoing warning signal. But if we couldn't avoid the oncoming car, discovery of a loved ones affair, or being robbed at gunpoint -- the brain remembers that experience as life threatening. When it comes to trauma causes by an addict abusers, it can help to recognize all the ways you resisted his abuse and mistreatment in order to keep yourself safe.
"..During Emdr the conscious mind communicates with the subconscious mind, creating a safe environment to let go of the energy attached to stress or trauma."
I like this video, putting it in cartoon form always makes it easier to understand 😁
WOPA - Women Outing Pornography Addiction, OR, Wives Of Pornography Addicts.
AFFIRMATIONS - Something declared to be true; a positive
statement or judgment. Positive phrases which you repeat to yourself
which describe how you want to be. The theory is that when you first
start saying your positive affirmations, they may not be true, but with
repetition they sink into your subconscious mind, you really start to
believe them, and eventually they become your reality, they become a
self fulfilling prophecy and actually become true. (More about affirmations HERE)
SEXUAL ANOREXIA - "Sexual Anorexia is a term created by Patrick Carnes. It's when sex addicts don't have the desire to have sex with their partner, because they are used to fantasy.
INTIMACY ANOREXIA - A bogus addiction created by the creeper Doug Weiss. It means the same thing as sexual anorexia, but also means the sex addict has an addiction to not wanting intimacy with a partner.
Doug Weiss also labels betrayed wives as sexual anorexia addicts if they don't want to have sex, even if they don't feel safe to. 😳
***FYI - I DO NOT RECOMMEND DOUG WEISS (or any Weiss). If you are in the Betrayal Abuse Trauma Support group on Facebook, then you'll know why.
HONESTY - Truthful, sincere, free of deceit and fraud, unpretentious, morally correct, virtuous, candid, frank, open, forthright, ingenious, straightforward, plain speaking, matter-of-fact, upfront, aboveboard, genuine, honorable.
POLICE, POLICING - 1. Prevention and detection of crime and the maintenance of public order.
2. Maintain order and neatness
3. Maintaining order, preventing and detecting crime, and enforcing the laws.
4. Keeps order and enforces law, investigates crimes
5. Regulation and control of the affairs of a
community, especially with respect to maintenance of order, law, health,
morals, safety, and other matters affecting the public welfare
6.To observe and issue warnings or correctives regarding.
There is NOTHING WRONG with policing your home in order to keep yourself and/or your kids safe. Many people will try to weaponize this word to mean a victim is doing something bad or unhealthy, but they are wrong. Being proactive about one's safety is always healthy.
i-STATEMENTS - Dispute resolution conversation openers that
can be used to communicate clearly and boldly about how we feel and how
we want something to be, without putting the another person on the
defensive. (Learn more HERE)
LYING, VARIOUS TYPES -
Lying by omission
Also known as a
continuing misrepresentation, a lie by omission occurs when an important
fact is left out in order to foster a misconception. Lying by omission
includes failures to correct pre-existing misconceptions. When the
seller of a car declares it has been serviced regularly but does not
tell that a fault was reported at the last service, the seller lies by
omission. It can be compared to dissimulation.
Misleading and Dissembling:
A misleading statement is one where there is no outright lie, but still retains the purpose of getting someone to believe in an untruth. "Dissembling" likewise describes the presentation of facts in a way that is literally true, but intentionally misleading.
A misleading statement is one where there is no outright lie, but still retains the purpose of getting someone to believe in an untruth. "Dissembling" likewise describes the presentation of facts in a way that is literally true, but intentionally misleading.
Half-truth:
A half-truth is a deceptive statement that includes some element of truth. The statement might be partly true, the statement may be totally true but only part of the whole truth, or it may employ some deceptive element, such as improper punctuation, or double meaning, especially if the intent is to deceive, evade, blame or misrepresent the truth.
A half-truth is a deceptive statement that includes some element of truth. The statement might be partly true, the statement may be totally true but only part of the whole truth, or it may employ some deceptive element, such as improper punctuation, or double meaning, especially if the intent is to deceive, evade, blame or misrepresent the truth.
Minimization:
Minimization is the opposite of exaggeration. It is a type of deception involving denial coupled with rationalization in situations where complete denial is implausible.
Minimization is the opposite of exaggeration. It is a type of deception involving denial coupled with rationalization in situations where complete denial is implausible.
Pathological lie
In psychiatry, pathological lying is a behavior of habitual lying. Pathological lying has been defined as "falsification entirely disproportionate to any discernible end in view, may be extensive and very complicated, and may manifest over a period of years or even a lifetime". The individual may be aware they are lying, or may believe they are telling the truth, being unaware that they are relating fantasies.
In psychiatry, pathological lying is a behavior of habitual lying. Pathological lying has been defined as "falsification entirely disproportionate to any discernible end in view, may be extensive and very complicated, and may manifest over a period of years or even a lifetime". The individual may be aware they are lying, or may believe they are telling the truth, being unaware that they are relating fantasies.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where false information is presented to the victim by a spouse or another primary attachment figure, causing the victim to doubt his or her perceptions, judgments, memories, and even sanity. Gaslighting is particularly effective when coupled with other tactics such as shaming, blaming and guilting. Anything that aids in getting another person to doubt their judgment and back down will work.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where false information is presented to the victim by a spouse or another primary attachment figure, causing the victim to doubt his or her perceptions, judgments, memories, and even sanity. Gaslighting is particularly effective when coupled with other tactics such as shaming, blaming and guilting. Anything that aids in getting another person to doubt their judgment and back down will work.
Big lie
A lie which attempts to trick the victim into believing something major which will likely be contradicted by some information the victim already possesses, or by their common sense. When the lie is of sufficient magnitude it may succeed, due to the victim's reluctance to believe that an untruth on such a grand scale would indeed be concocted.
A lie which attempts to trick the victim into believing something major which will likely be contradicted by some information the victim already possesses, or by their common sense. When the lie is of sufficient magnitude it may succeed, due to the victim's reluctance to believe that an untruth on such a grand scale would indeed be concocted.
Contextual lie
One can state part of the truth out of context, knowing that without complete information, it gives a false impression. Likewise, one can actually state accurate facts, yet deceive with them. To say "Yeah, that's right, I ate all the white chocolate, by myself," using sarcasm, a form of assertion by ridiculing the fact(s) implying the liar believes it to be preposterous.
One can state part of the truth out of context, knowing that without complete information, it gives a false impression. Likewise, one can actually state accurate facts, yet deceive with them. To say "Yeah, that's right, I ate all the white chocolate, by myself," using sarcasm, a form of assertion by ridiculing the fact(s) implying the liar believes it to be preposterous.
Deflecting
Avoiding the subject that the lie is about, not giving attention to the lie. When attention is given to the subject the lie is based around, deflectors ignore or refuse to respond. Skillful deflectors are passive-aggressive people, who when confronted with subject choose to ignore and not respond.
Avoiding the subject that the lie is about, not giving attention to the lie. When attention is given to the subject the lie is based around, deflectors ignore or refuse to respond. Skillful deflectors are passive-aggressive people, who when confronted with subject choose to ignore and not respond.
Dismissal
A dismissal lie can be one of the trickiest ones. Dismissing feelings, perceptions, raw facts of a situation as a kind of lie that can do damage to a person just as much as any other lie. Many mental disorders are linked to dismissal lies because they are dismissing their reality. When done within families, many children start out with a clear sense of reality, but then slowly start to loose their grasp due to meticulous and methodical dismissal. While some may not realize that just dismissing something can be considered a lie, if you dismiss something too often you are trying to change reality into something it is not, causing your attention to be focused elsewhere and could be hurting others as more or more than a simple white lie.
3 CIRCLES CREATED by SAA (I do NOT recommend SAA):
A dismissal lie can be one of the trickiest ones. Dismissing feelings, perceptions, raw facts of a situation as a kind of lie that can do damage to a person just as much as any other lie. Many mental disorders are linked to dismissal lies because they are dismissing their reality. When done within families, many children start out with a clear sense of reality, but then slowly start to loose their grasp due to meticulous and methodical dismissal. While some may not realize that just dismissing something can be considered a lie, if you dismiss something too often you are trying to change reality into something it is not, causing your attention to be focused elsewhere and could be hurting others as more or more than a simple white lie.
3 CIRCLES CREATED by SAA (I do NOT recommend SAA):
INNER CIRCLE / RED LIGHT Behaviors an addict wants to refrain from in ones addiction (looking at pornography, chatting with women, masturbating, prostitutes, etc etc).
MIDDLE CIRCLE / YELLOW LIGHT Behaviors that usually leads UP to acting out and feeds into the addiction. Yellow Light Behaviors can be dangerous and could be anything like mindlessly browsing online with no purpose (browsing pictures, funny videos, random news articles, Facebooking, pinterest, etc), being stressed without talking about it, idleness, boredom, isolation (my husband used to isolate by using video games, fantasy books, hobbies...or basically anything that took up allll his focus and left him kinda zoned out afterward instead of happy and uplifted), defensiveness, lying, watching too much sports, blaming, self loathing, not communicating true feelings etc....
OUTER CIRCLE / GREEN LIGHT Healthy behaviors like Honesty, Recovery Work, reaching out, vulnerability, self parenting, self analyzing, taking responsibility for actions and owning them etc.
12 STEP MEETINGS - (**I do NOT recommend any 12 step meetings for either the addict or victim).
Clarification of the different types of 12 Step programs:
- ARP & PASG Addiction Recovery Program/Pornography Addiction Support Group for addicts - 12 step Prepared by LDS Family Serv. and published by the LDS church. No official sponsor program, members find sponsor themselves. 1 yr sobriety to become facilitator. (**I do NOT recommend)
- ARP PAFS Pornography Addiction Family Support group for partners: 12 Principles prepared by LDS Church. For women only. No official sponsor program. They do NOT use the 12 steps 🙌. (**This is the only free group that may be somewhat safe for victims, as long as there's no victim blaming by the facilitators. The manual itself doesn't blame victims though)
- 90 Day Program / ARPSupport - Founder of the 90 day program. Started by a bunch of lds addicts. NOT a part of the LDS church. Uses the LDS church's ARP guide. Gives men sponsors. Requires only 90 days sobriety to become a sponsor. (**not the same thing as SA's 90 meetings in 90 days, ie. "90 in 90". **I do NOT recommend)
- SA Lifeline - 12 step Started by Rhyll & Steven Croshaws. Uses SA white book manual but incorporates God. Members find their own sponsors. Sobriety Definition (slightly different than SA's) :
“Sexual sobriety for sexaholics of our type means no sex with ourselves and no sex with any partner other than the spouse. And progressive victory over lust." & "For the power of the 12 groups they cannot access pornography or masturbate." (**I do NOT recommend)
- ARP PAFS Pornography Addiction Family Support group for partners: 12 Principles prepared by LDS Church. For women only. No official sponsor program. They do NOT use the 12 steps 🙌. (**This is the only free group that may be somewhat safe for victims, as long as there's no victim blaming by the facilitators. The manual itself doesn't blame victims though)
- 90 Day Program / ARPSupport - Founder of the 90 day program. Started by a bunch of lds addicts. NOT a part of the LDS church. Uses the LDS church's ARP guide. Gives men sponsors. Requires only 90 days sobriety to become a sponsor. (**not the same thing as SA's 90 meetings in 90 days, ie. "90 in 90". **I do NOT recommend)
- SA Lifeline - 12 step Started by Rhyll & Steven Croshaws. Uses SA white book manual but incorporates God. Members find their own sponsors. Sobriety Definition (slightly different than SA's) :
“Sexual sobriety for sexaholics of our type means no sex with ourselves and no sex with any partner other than the spouse. And progressive victory over lust." & "For the power of the 12 groups they cannot access pornography or masturbate." (**I do NOT recommend)
Salifeline meetings for victims uses the Sanon book. It's extremely victim blaming. (**I do NOT recommend)
- SA Sexaholics Anonymous 12 Step: Uses SA White Book manual. Sobriety Definition: “No sex with ourselves and no sex with any partner other than the spouse. And progressive victory over lust." Provides sponsors. Requires 1 yr sobriety to become a sponsor. (**I do NOT recommend, unless there's a meeting with addicts in REAL long term sobriety, and they call other addicts out and don't let anyone complain/blame the partners)
- SLAA Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous 12 Step: Member creates own sobriety definition: Identifies the addicts Bottom Line behaviors and defines sobriety on abstinence from those. Provides sponsors. (**I do NOT recommend)
- SAA Sex Addicts Anonymous 12 Step: Addict creates their own definition of sobriety (which I believe is very dangerous. For example, it means a sex addict can say buying prostituted people is a break in sobriety, but not pornography, etc) . Provides sponsors. They use "The Green Book" as a manual. (**I do NOT recommend)
- HTC Healing Through Christ - Christ Centered 12 step manual/meetings. NO IDEA who started it (anyone know?). Not lds church affiliated. (**I do NOT recommend since they are victim blaming)
- L.I.F.E. Recovery 12 Step. Christian based. Uses their own manual. Sobriety means no sex with self, no sex with anyone outside of marriage, no pornography, and no fantasy.
L.I.F.E. Recovery Definition of Sobriety for Sexual Addicts:
-“no sex with self” primarily means masturbation but may include any activity or behaviors that are intended to induce sexual arousal (with or without the intention of producing an orgasm) without any direct assistance from another person.
-“no sex with anyone outside of marriage” primarily means the act of coitus (or intercourse) taking place with anyone before being married, while engaged (to include the betrothed), or separated, but may include any activity in which orgasm may or may not be achieved.
-“no pornography” primarily means media based imagery or peep shows, strip clubs or any other establishment or service that provides anything sexually visual but may include anything used to induce sexual arousal.
-“no fantasy” means any deliberate and sustained thoughts or mental preoccupation about sex for the express purpose of becoming aroused.
- SA Sexaholics Anonymous 12 Step: Uses SA White Book manual. Sobriety Definition: “No sex with ourselves and no sex with any partner other than the spouse. And progressive victory over lust." Provides sponsors. Requires 1 yr sobriety to become a sponsor. (**I do NOT recommend, unless there's a meeting with addicts in REAL long term sobriety, and they call other addicts out and don't let anyone complain/blame the partners)
- SLAA Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous 12 Step: Member creates own sobriety definition: Identifies the addicts Bottom Line behaviors and defines sobriety on abstinence from those. Provides sponsors. (**I do NOT recommend)
- SAA Sex Addicts Anonymous 12 Step: Addict creates their own definition of sobriety (which I believe is very dangerous. For example, it means a sex addict can say buying prostituted people is a break in sobriety, but not pornography, etc) . Provides sponsors. They use "The Green Book" as a manual. (**I do NOT recommend)
- HTC Healing Through Christ - Christ Centered 12 step manual/meetings. NO IDEA who started it (anyone know?). Not lds church affiliated. (**I do NOT recommend since they are victim blaming)
- L.I.F.E. Recovery 12 Step. Christian based. Uses their own manual. Sobriety means no sex with self, no sex with anyone outside of marriage, no pornography, and no fantasy.
L.I.F.E. Recovery Definition of Sobriety for Sexual Addicts:
-“no sex with self” primarily means masturbation but may include any activity or behaviors that are intended to induce sexual arousal (with or without the intention of producing an orgasm) without any direct assistance from another person.
-“no sex with anyone outside of marriage” primarily means the act of coitus (or intercourse) taking place with anyone before being married, while engaged (to include the betrothed), or separated, but may include any activity in which orgasm may or may not be achieved.
-“no pornography” primarily means media based imagery or peep shows, strip clubs or any other establishment or service that provides anything sexually visual but may include anything used to induce sexual arousal.
-“no fantasy” means any deliberate and sustained thoughts or mental preoccupation about sex for the express purpose of becoming aroused.
(**I do NOT recommend. They refused to take out their codependency and victim blaming material)
