Wednesday, November 26, 2014

What Are Slip's, Lapse's and Relapse's & What Do They All Have In Common?

They all include Acting Out in one's addiction, are a part of the Addiction Cycle (<--link), and require a restart in sobriety AND Recovery dates. Let’s look at some definitions.

Acting Out - Intentionally seeking out any erotic and sensual stimulus, even if "accidental" at first. DEFINITE lines of acting out: Masturbation, Pornography, Infidelity, Emotional infidelity, Inappropriate relationships with opposite sex, Chatting, Flirting, Sex ad browsing, Forcing anyone to have sex (yes, even if it’s your own wife), & Massage brothels.

PornographyAny material depicting or describing the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings. This includes scantily dressed women in bikinis, lingerie or revealing clothes, scantily dressed woman in comics, cartoons, or art, erotic books, risky material in movies, TV shows, phone apps, or games.

LDS .org Church Definition of Pornography - 
  "Pornography is any visual or written medium created with the intent to sexually stimulate. If the work was not intended to stimulate but nevertheless causes sexual arousal in an individual, it constitutes pornography for that person."
  "Pornography is any entertainment that uses immodest or indecent images to stimulate sexual feelings. So even a mainstream television program or advertisement can be pornographic. If images trigger sexual feelings in you, you should avoid them."

Are there differences between slip, lapse, & relapse? Yes. Technically. 

S.L.I.P -- "Sexual Sobriety Lost its Priority" - A slip is a one-time unexpected unplanned break in abstinence. Slips are significant events that call for immediate attention. But how can one know it will truly be the LAST time they will ever act out? For all an addict knows, they could act out again in a few days, few months, or next year etc. And if one-time-slips continue to occur, would each one still be considered a "ONE time unexpected unplanned break in abstinence"?

Relapse - A relapse is the recurrence of symptoms of a disease or to resume addictive behavior after a period of abstinence.

Lapse - A lapse is somewhere confusingly in between.

Monday, November 10, 2014

To Filter or Not Part 2 : Is Computer Monitoring For Safety or Control?

The Lord asks us to never tolerate evil in any form, right? But what does tolerate even mean?
(I admit I had to look this one up and was surprised to find out I was wrong). "Tolerate: To allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of without interference; To accept or endure."

Elder David E. Sorensen says:
"The Savior asks us to forsake and combat evil in all its forms, and although we must forgive a neighbor who injures us, we should still work constructively to prevent that injury from being repeated."
How does one work constructively to prevent pornography coming into my home? Elder Quinton Cook says:
 "Parents must have the courage to filter or monitor Internet access, television, movies, and music."

Would you allow a loved one to shoot up heroin in your home? Would you allow a loved one to store heroin filled needles within easy reach of your children in various places like the cupboard, bedroom, family room, or on the counter next to your phones, and then turn around and say,  "I can't control my him, there's nothing I can do" OR, "It makes me feel too crazy to stop it coming in" OR, "He's going to find a way to shoot it up if he wants to anyway" OR, "I'm his wife, not his mother", OR "He should be the one to choose to get rid of the heroin for himself" OR, "His recovery is his recovery" ....?? -------  I'm curious if anyone would say these types these things if it were actual HEROIN?

Thursday, November 6, 2014

LDS Recovery Over-Encouragement: Hinder or Help?

I want to share an interesting conversation I had with my husband...

About a year ago I thought my husband was better. He said he was sober. He no longer displayed his usual addict behavior or signs he relapsed. He progressed ALOT. He didn't seem to always be in this black abyss of shame. He LOVED going to counseling. He loved going to meetings. He had a sponsor. He wasn't getting majorly defensive like he used to. There wasn't as much tension as before, and if he did get upset he snapped out of it alot quicker. He wasn't isolating or as distant. He talked about his feelings more than he used to. A good portion of his addict behavior seemed like it was gone, and most of all the bishop, therapist, and his sponsor all said he was doing AWESOME and that he was in Recovery.

Great, RIGHT???

I felt in my gut something wasn't right----I just assumed I was crazy. It was easier to just try and believe he was sober and not think or deal with it. He was acting sober. He did everything people said a sober man in recovery would do. Every time I'd pray and ask God if he was lying I'd feel immense peace. If I asked God if he was telling the truth I'd still feel peace, maybe not as strong, but pretty great. Was I feeling peace because he WAS lying, or was I feeling peace because he telling the truth?