Nov 10, 2014

To Filter or Not Part 2 : Is Computer Monitoring For Safety or Control?

Would you be ok with a loved one to shoot up heroin in your home? Would you be ok with a loved storing heroin filled needles within easy reach of your children in various places like the cupboard, bedroom, family room, or on the counter next to your phones, and then turn around and say,  "I can't control my him, there's nothing I can do" OR, "It makes me feel too crazy to stop it coming in" OR, "He's going to find a way to shoot it up if he wants to anyway" OR, "I'm his wife, not his mother", OR "He should be the one to choose to get rid of the heroin for himself" OR, "His recovery is his recovery" ....?? -------  I'm curious if anyone would say these types these things if it were actual HEROIN?
Probably not. I think most of us would relentlessly keep that danger out of our home.

But, what if we don't know HOW a loved one is bringing heroin into our homes? What if the person convincingly told us they stopped doing it, but are now instead sneaking the drug in by hiding it in places we don't know about but stashing it still within reach of children? How do we know for sure they aren't bringing heroin into our home? How do we know for sure they are safe enough to be in our home. Especially after they have previously lied and lied and put our family in danger in the past? How can we prevent that danger??

Except in our situations it's not heroin, it's pornography. And I believe pornography is far more dangerous to our brains and beliefs than heroin could ever be. 

Our homes are safe havens from the raging storm outside. If our roofs started leaking, we'd fix it right? We wouldn't want our house to become flooded, RIGHT? But what if we didn't know where the leak was or HOW the water was coming in? We could try to soak up the water, scoop it with buckets, or fortify our homes with sandbags to try and prevent everything getting ruined. But until every possible leak is found everything will continue to slowly get wet, and in the end the damage to the home would be disastrous and could take lots of money and hard work to fix (if it can be salvaged at all).

Now imagine if we had a "leak" scanner that could scan our homes every time there was a raging storm, even hidden leaks we couldn't see. Heck, imagine if we could have a scanner that could detect ALL dangerous things coming into our home!???? What a wonderful and helpful preventative tool that would be!!

Magic scanner? Yes, please.

But I'll settle for the next best thing. Gut intuition + Monitoring/filtering programs (+ polygraph) = Safer than I was before.

Therapist Dan Oakes said: 
“90 percent of the individuals that I work with who have pornography addiction started looking at porn provided to them by their parents in their home. The parents unwittingly and unintentionally provided porn to their child through unfiltered Internet access. This access was at the root of the development of their addiction. ...We all have many electronic devices in our homes, and they all must have limited access and filters on them. The key is to watch, guard and guide. In the age of the Internet and all things sexual, parents should be equally yoked and vigilant in carrying out the policing of the content that comes into their homes."
Unintentionally provided access to porn to their children!!!

I don't password protect everything and use monitoring programs to control the raging storm, or to control the "heroin addict", or even to control my husband or his journey to finding recovery. Its impossible to control my husbands addiction/actions. I can't stop him from acting out, he has his own agency. Just like I have my own agency to choose to do all I can to prevent pornography from entering my home. And yes, he SHOULD be helping me keep our home safe after he used his agency to lie and put us all in danger. That should be his responsibility too!!!


 But in case my husband chooses not to, I cant put our safety into the hands of an addict and deny my family safety because of a "Should". Just like I'm sure most of us wouldn't trust the safety of a drunk driver driving us home. As part of my personal boundaries to keep me safe, my kids safe, and my home safe, I CHOOSE to use these wonderful "scanner" tools to help find weak spots in my home and to find HOW the unseen danger can enter.

The beauty is, a monitoring program doesn't have to be checked every day, every month, or even at all! I worked hard to seal up all the leaks in my home and now the monitoring program is there as a backup, JUST in case if I ever get the prompting from to check it. I am forever thankful for the monitoring programs, they have brought me much peace and comfort in my life (even if a little chaotic at first ha). I know eventually truth often comes to light, I fully believe that without a doubt, but why wait around for months or even years, when I can find out the truth faster? I must be proactive in keeping myself safe. 

 "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men (and woman) do nothing"

Sadly I know first hand the dangerous effects of pornography on a child, it negatively effected every aspect of my entire life. I will protect my home and my children from pornography entering at all costs, and by teaching my children the proper necessary skills to avoid it. This may not be right for everyone, but this is right for me. It may be a tiring cause to fight for. It frankly sucks having to do it. But hey, whatever it takes, right?

"We must also act to protect those we love. Parents install alarms to warn if their household is threatened by smoke or carbon monoxide. We should also install protections against spiritual threats, protections like filters on Internet connections and locating access so others can see what is being viewed. And we should build the spiritual strength of our families by loving relationships, family prayer, and scripture study.”
Elder Dallin H Oaks


Steps to filtering and protecting your computer (including resources):