Jul 3, 2016

Questions To Ask Your Husband

If you just found out about your husbands addiction and are going through the full disclosure, these questions may be helpful to ask.

ATTENTION***  Before you start asking questions, make sure your husband understands the definition of what you are asking. Don't EVER assume an addict fully understands what your saying. Ie. DON'T assume his definition of pornography, masturbation, cheating, lust etc are the same as YOUR definition of pornography, masturbation, cheating, lust etc.

I'm serious. I can't stress this enough. No matter how obvious it seems, no matter how much you think "Surely everyone gets it", be very specific, direct and simple with your wording. Ask as though your talking to a child where even the smallest details have to be explained.
These definitions may help:
Definitions of Common Addiction Related Terms

I suggest to ask all these questions below whether you think he's capable of doing them or not. You can't be too careful. Ask them calmly, and very straightforward, but CALM. No showing approval or disapproval yet. This is about just logging information for now. Like a lawyer or policeman. Its simply getting information before making assumptions or a verdict.

**Trigger Warning**  I'm sorry, these questions I'm providing may be triggering.

When was the last time you have masturbated?

When was the last time you have seen pornography intentionally?

When was the last time you have seen pornography unintentionally?

Do you have any emails I am not aware of? Please list all emails you have ever had, including work emails.

Have you ever used a fake name, nickname or middle name while online?

Do you have any online profiles or accounts I do not know of? Ie. Facebook, Instagram, imgur, pinterest, Amazon, Netflix, social profiles, dating websites, gaming websites, or anything like it? Etc

Do you have any devices that can connect to the internet that I might not be aware of? 

Have you ever bought an extra phone, tablet, laptop etc that I might not be aware of?

Which internet devices have you EVER used to act out? This includes phones, computers, OLD phones or computers, lap tops, tablets/ipads, Television, ipods/mp3 players, gaming consoles (xbox, playstation, wii etc etc)

What KIND/genre of pornography have you seen? (ask very very specifically). IE. Teenage, Asian, Any type of Anime, Cartoon, etc. 

Have you ever intentionally seen child pornography with children 0-11? Have you ever seen child pornography with children 12-16? How many times? Etc.

Have you ever UN-intentionally seen child pornography with children 0-11? Have you ever seen child pornography with children 12-16? How many times? 

Have you viewed gay pornography? Was it with men or woman or both?

Have you ever seen rape pornography or pornography that involved hurting anyone?

Have you ever seen fetish pornography like date rape, feet, underwear, breastfeeding, urinating, voyourism (spying, peep hole) etc etc?
What about..
Sex games?
Erotic stories?

Have you seen bestiality pornography?

Have you seen incest pornography (mother and son, father and son? siblings etc) ?

Have you ever watched me or ANYONE else undress, bathe, shower, or during intimate relations, etc. without their knowledge? (Voyeurism, peeping Tom, spying)

Have you ever video taped and/or taken photos of me or anyone in ANY setting, without their knowledge?

Has anyone besides me ever touched your penis sexually? Including even if it wasn't direct skin to skin contact?

Have you ever touched/rubbed anyone (besides me) sexually even if it wasn't skin to skin contact?

Have you ever intentionality touched my bum, breasts, or vagina sexually while I slept and had no knowledge of it?

Have you ever had a professional body massage? What place did you go to ? (Then later look up if the place is legit or if its actually a prostitution brothel)

Did you ever curiously "play" games regarding genitals with any friends or siblings as a child?

Has any male or female seen you masturbate or sexually touch yourself in person or through web cam or by photo?

Have you ever watched anyone do anything sexual in person or through web cam?

Have you ever used a phone, tablet, watch or computer app to act out? App with a internet search, app with racy stock photos, app with racy ring tones etc. Etc. List all apps that have accessed pornography or have ever been used to act out in ANY way :

Have you ever read or listened to any sexual or non sexual books, comics or visual material to get aroused from it, even if unintentional at first? (erotica, audio books, podcasts, radio stations)

Do you download torrents ? If so, what kind, from which sites, and onto what devices?

What is your view of women's UFC fighting?

Have you ever acted out in any way at work?

Have you ever gotten in trouble at work for any of your sexual behaviors? 

Have you ever been arrested for any reason? 

Have you ever acted out in any way in your car?

Have you ever acted out with any children close by? (Even if they didn't see anything, were in the next room, or were sleeping etc)

Have any kids accidentally walked in on you masturbating or watching pornography?
   - Did they see what you were doing?

Have you ever had private conversations (sexual or non sexual) or texted, chatted, or emailed ANY women/girls I do not personally know, besides _____, even if the convo only lasted a few hours or few replies? This includes co-workers, church members, anyone online, anyone on games, women from the gym, etc.

Have you ever had any private conversations with anyone I DO know, sexual or non sexual that I am unaware of? Friends? Sisters? Cousins? Church members? Etc

Have you ever sent pictures of yourself to another woman (or man)?

Have you ever sexually harassed anyone? Have you ever been in trouble for sexual harassment? 

Now that you've completed these questions, just to be clear, what is your personal definition of pornography & masturbation?