Aug 15, 2014

Warning Signs That Your Partner Might Be A Sex Addict

Is He Secretly Viewing Pornography? Is He Secretly Having Affairs? Check Out These Warning Signs: 

1.      Suspicious activity found on computer (even if they deny it) Note: Pornography doesn't magically appear. Its clicked on. So if you find it in the history, then someone clicked on it. And no, the neighbor didn't do it, and no one committed a crime just to hack into the computer to look at pornography. 
2.      Deleted browsing history or NO browser history at all. 
3.      Lying (or less honest than before), minimizing, omitting truth, gaslighting, etc. 
4.      Defensiveness, quick temper, irritability, mood swings, defiant, blaming, critical or has anger outbursts
5.      Isolation/withdrawal/ or hiding (could include working too much or being overly lazy or not wanting to be around people).
6.      Excessive computer/smartphone use, spends a lot of time online, a lot of time online in the bathroom, or spends time on the computer after everyone else is in bed.
7.      Leaving the bedroom in the middle of the night.
8.      Excessive video, computer, or app game playing.
9.      Entitlement /Believes they are entitled to get whatever they want. 
10.   Selfishness
11.   Acts like they lack in empathy for the suffering of others, especially the ones closest to them.
12.   Controlling, possessive, or emotionally needy. Ie. Never wanting you to leave, getting jealous when you hang out with friend, or needing constant validation that you love them.
13.   Uses manipulative/passive  aggressiveness to get what they want either by withdrawing affection or getting angry
14.   Resentful/has difficulty forgiving perceived offenses
15.   Becomes vengeful/spiteful when feelings are hurt or upset.
16.   Resists discussing emotions and feelings
17.   Disrespectful degrading comments about woman (ie. "That's a woman's job"). Is sexist or mysogynistic. 
18.   Not thinking nudity is a big deal in movies or TV shows.
19.   Wanting sex excessively OR disinterested in sex.
20.   Everything seems to revolve around his sexual needs, gets angry when sex is denied, has groped you in your sleep, or has forced or pressured you to have sex. (FYI, this is all technically considered sexual violence) 
21.   Past history of cheating/affairs
22.   Is abusive in any way to wife OR kids (emotional, physical, sexual, overly controlling. Note: Continual lying and cheating is a form of abuse)
23. Finds a way to blame you for everything. Nothing is ever their fault. 
24.   Less social than before; Lethargy
25.   Distant during sex, leaving you feeling uncomfortable, dirty, or like an object.
26.   Nitpicky about your appearance (especially after child birth). 
27.   Quickly changing the computer or phone screen when you walk by.
28.   Computer viruses. If you get viruses, or your accounts get hacked, 9 outta 10 it’s because pornography was accessed at some point on your computer.
29.   Emotion shown does not match the circumstances. 
30.   Unaccounted-for expenditures. 
31.   Less interest in spiritual things. 
32.   Self-delusional: Twists things around to make himself right. Has obsession with being right, and refuses to be held accountable for his choices.
33.  Claims they could NEVER be addicted. 
34. Claims they've never intentionally looked at pornography. 
35. Claims they USED to have a problem with pornography before they married you, but no longer have any issues with it. (It magically disappeared)


36.  YOU feel less connected and distant from yourself, your gut intuition, or if you're religious, feel less connected to God & feeling the holy spirit or feeling like the holy spirit continually withdraws from your home and you don't know why.
37.   YOU feel confused when trying to talk to your husband which leaves you feeling crazy & guilty like it's your fault. 

Disclaimer: These are just possibilities and some extremely common signs in many pornography addicts. Statistically 90-99% of men, both religious or non religious, regularly view pornography. 

So if you happen to find your husband does many of these things, it may be beneficial to look into the matter further. Not addressing it won't make it go away. A person's choice to continually lie, cheat, and abuse always progressively gets worse.

If you find out your husband has been looking at pornography, I highly highly recommend doing a disclosure followed by a polygraph. 

Note: I do NOT recommend CSATS/sex addiction therapists. Most of them are highly uneducated and are taught to coddle addict abusers and blame victims. Thankfully you can do the disclosure yourself if you can't find a safe therapist.  If you need a list of disclosure questions to ask, or need help finding a polygrapher, contact me.

Written by Makemyburdenlight & My AMAZING Tribe :)