Friday, August 15, 2014

Warning Signs That Your Partner Might Be A Sex Addict

Is He Secretly Viewing Pornography? Is He Secretly Having Affairs? Check Out These Warning Signs: 

1.      Suspicious activity found on computer (even if they deny it) Note: Pornography doesn't magically appear. Its clicked on. So if you find it in the history, then someone clicked on it. 
2.      Deleted browsing history or NO browser history at all (HUGE red flag).
3.      Lying (or less honest than before), minimizing, or omitting truth.
4.      Defensiveness, quick temper, irritability, mood swings, defiant, blaming, critical or has anger outbursts
5.      Isolation/withdrawal/ or hiding (could include working too much or being overly lazy or not wanting to be around people).
6.      Excessive computer/smartphone use, spends a lot of time online, or spends time on the computer after everyone else is in bed.
7.      Leaving the bedroom in the middle of the night.
8.      Excessive video, computer, or app game playing.
9.      Insecurity
10.   Selfishness
11.   Lacking in empathy for the suffering of others, especially the ones closest to them.
12.   Controlling, possessive, or emotionally needy. Ie. Never wanting you to leave, getting jealous when u hang out with friend, or needing constant validation that you love them.
13.   Uses manipulative/passive  aggressiveness to get what they want either by withdrawing affection or getting angry
14.   Resentful/has difficulty forgiving perceived offenses
15.   Becomes vengeful/spiteful when feelings are hurt or upset.
16.   Resists discussing emotions and feelings
17.   Disrespectful degrading comments about woman.
18.   Not thinking nudity is a big deal in movies or TV shows.
19.   Wanting sex excessively OR disinterested in sex.
20.   Everything seems to revolve around his sexual needs, gets angry when sex is denied, has groped you in your sleep, or has forced or pressured you to have sex.
21.   Past history of cheating/affairs
22.   Any type of abuse to wife or kids (emotional, physical, sexual, overly controlling)
23.   History of abuse as a child (physical, emotional, sexual, over controlling parents, major trauma, neglect etc)
24.   Less social than before; Lethargy
25.   Distant during sex, leaving you feeling uncomfortable, dirty, or like an object.
26.   Nitpicky about your appearance (especially after child birth)
27.   Quickly changing the computer or phone screen when you walk by.
28.   Computer viruses. If you get viruses, or your accounts hacked, 9 outta 10 it’s because pornography was accessed at some point on your computer.
29.   Emotion shown does not match the circumstances
30.   Unaccounted-for expenditures
31.   Less interest in spiritual things
32.   Self-delusional: Twists things around to make himself right. Has obsession with being right, and refuses to be held accountable for conflicts or problems.
33.   Claims they could NEVER be addicted
34. Claims they've never intentionally looked at pornography. 
35. Claims they USED to have a problem with pornography before they married you, but no longer have any issues with it. (It of course magically disappeared)


36.   YOU feeling less connected and distant from God & feeling the Spirit or feeling like the Spirit continually withdraws from your home and you don't know why.
37.   YOU feeling confused when trying to talk to your husband which leaves you feeling crazy & guilty like it's your fault

Disclaimer: These are just possibilities and some extremely common signs in many pornography addicts. Statistically 70% of men, Christian, lds, or non religious etc, intentionally look at pornography once a month, at the very LEAST. And that statistic is a few years old, before most people had 24/7 access to internet from a smartphones AND those are just the men that admitted it. Imagine what that percentage is now days.

So if you happen to find your husband does many of these things, it may be beneficial to look into the matter further. Not addressing it won't make it go away. Addiction is progressive. Always.

NEVER ask "Do you look at pornography?" or "Do you have a problem with pornography?", most men will answer no. Instead, unaccusingly ask  "Hey hun, when was the last time you've seen pornography?". And even then, there's a very good chance they could lie. If you need additional help contact me.

Written by Makemyburdenlight & My AMAZING Tribe :) 


  1. This is THE best signs of list I have read yet , and I read a TON ! Love the last two ( or hate ) . Seeing those helps me understand why I struggle with WHERE ARE you God feelings. Also how amazingly great of a liar he is . ( But failed a poly test right ?!) I daily fight the self doubt his mind games create in me and this is a BIG help for me . It's not just a feel justified kind of post , it can truly save a life. Thank you !! Someday I will figure out how to have a name other than anonymous . :)

  2. I've spent so much time reading your blog today. Thank you so much for all the info, the time you've spent putting this together, and the experiences you've shared. This list... Wow! My husband swears he's not using porn anymore but half the behaviors on the list perfectly describe him. I knew before I read this list but it's nice to have something or someone that tells me I'm not crazy.

  3. I think using the word "pornography" can set you up to be deceived at times... He will only come clean by that term if he views what he's doing as being pornography. In my case I might word it something more like, "When was the last time you spoke to or had an interaction with a female that you would be uncomfortable with if I were standing next to you?" I think it really depends on how their particular addiction plays out, what their lust hits are.

  4. I think this is true of all lust addictions not just pornography. The computer history - yeah porn but the rest apply no matter what his favorite flavor of acting out is.

    1. I completely agree :) Lust is like "alcohol" (except worst). Whether someone drinks beer, hard liquor, wine etc... Its still all alcohol.

      Can't be an alcoholic with alcohol. Cant have a sex addiction without lust ;)