Jan 19, 2015

Wife's Analogy

A wonderful friend of mine wrote this to help her Church Leader's understand her pain. It is absolutely beautiful and I asked if I could share it :)

                                                          Tammra's Journey

I was at a place in my life where I felt like I was constantly walking up hill. Everything seemed hard, especially my relationship with my husband. He was constantly angry with me and finding fault with me. He was always preoccupied with something other than me. Every day I was doing my best to put one foot in front of the other as I walked up that hill wondering what had gone wrong in my life, wondering where my husband was and what he was doing. I was taking care of everything in our lives - children, finances, home - because he was no longer engaged. 
One day as I walked up that hill my husband appeared, driving erratically and he hit me with a truck I had never seen before but had heard about and was afraid of. A truck full of broken promises and so many lies. 

I was injured, broken, badly hurt and laying by the side of the road. My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest. I could hardly breathe. 

When my husband hit me, he veered off the road into a ravine and was about to go off of a cliff. All of the first-responders (bishop, family, etc) surveyed the situation and ran to the aid of my husband even though they could see I was badly hurt. They had to help him because if he went off the cliff he would surely die and that would be the end of him. At least I was still alive. At least I was not in the truck that dangled so precariously.

They spent much time and effort saving him and they all celebrated when they felt they had pulled him out of danger.They had forgotten about me laying there so hurt, so stunned. So broken. By then they had spent all their energy in helping him and were ready to go on to something else.

My husband noticed me laying there and became frustrated. He wanted me to get up and go on as though he had not just hit me with a truck. Couldn't I see he was sorry? Couldn't I trust him to not hit me with a truck again? Couldn't I see that he was tired and the sun was in his eyes, he didn't have good perception, he didn't have good judgment and he didn't mean to hurt me? Did I not believe in forgiveness? Couldn't I be happy because he was saved and he hadn't gone off the cliff? Was I really going to take this joy away from him? 

Off he went to continue the celebration leaving me behind because I was such a downer. He shook his head sadly at me for not being able to reach the degree of righteousness he now felt. 

Eventually I thought of my children and grandchildren and I picked myself up and continued on with my journey. However, I am not the same. I am crippled. My heart aches. My sense of self-worth is often lacking. I often feel unsafe in the world. 

I need help to heal and be strong, vibrant and dynamic again. I need someone to acknowledge my pain and suffering. My husband is not the only one who needed help. Please see me. I did not ask for this. I did not do anything to cause it. 

*Thank goodness I have found women who were hit by that same truck and who are willing to share their hearts and their strength with me. Each one of you gives me hope and helps me find the tools to heal.*

Tammra - (Beautiful) Author :)