Dec 4, 2017

My Boundaries

For those interested in what my current personal boundaries look like 💗. For How to Set Boundaries go HERE :

Boundaries trauma

Boundaries are very important to me. I want to live in a peaceful loving and safe environment, and out of my love of my marriage, out of my love for my husband, out of love for myself, and out of love of my children, these are things I mentally and physically need in order to stay safe and maintain health and stability. 

1. For the safety of me and the children, I cannot live with any unmonitored and unfiltered Internet device (computer, phone, TV etc) in my home. If I learn of any unprotected device you have brought into my home without my knowledge, I will need a separation for my safety.

2. I am only able to live with and stay married to a man who is actively trying to get INTO recovery by consistently talking with safe grown men, counseling, reaching out, full honesty/transparency, taking medications, being willing to take a polygraph etc. If I do not see these efforts in sincere actions (not words), I will do whatever I need to keep my family safe. 

3. I am not able to live a healthy life with a husband who's in addict mode, or does crazy making behaviors to me or the children (this includes blaming, gaslighting, defensive behavior, minimizing,  passive aggressive behavior, vindictivness etc etc). It's too detrimental to my health and literally slowly kills me. I will immediately detach from any addict mode or crazy making and proceed to further action if needed. 

4. In order for there to be safety in this marriage I need all future slips/relapses/acting out etc. to be disclosed within 24 hours. If I receive disclosure after 24hrs , OR I discover it myself, then that puts me and the kids in danger and I will do whatever it is that I need to do in order to feel safe (this could be ANYTHING that my intuition directs me to do, ie. separation for an undisclosed amount of time,  sleeping in different rooms, detaching etc.) 

5. I will only have sex with my husband when I feel safe. It greatly hurts my feelings and damages my soul when I am treated like a piece of meat.  I am a human being and my body is mine and deserves to be loved and respected. For my mental health, I absolutely will NOT have sex if there is any pressure, whining, manipulation, gaslighting, groping, lude comments, if I'm feeling lusted after, if my gut intuition directs me not to, or if I feel like I'm being used for selfish desires. 

6. Our family needs a father who is willing to financially provide for us. I am only willing to sleep in the same room with a husband who is doing everything he can to achieve this  

7. If you ever hurt the kids, I will call the police and will need immediate separation. 

*** My boundaries and safety needs are subject to change at any time. If I feel prompted to change any of these boundaries, I will let you know.***

Betrayal Trauma