Sep 20, 2021

Is Being Pressured Into Sex Considered Rape?

What is Rape & Sexual Assault? 

Everyone PLEASE read this. You may think you know what rape and sexual assault means, but the reality is the majority of people in this world don't fully understand what it is. Sex is only supposed to be between any consenting adults who WANT to have sex, and feel SAFE enough to have sex. That's it. If either of those aren't on the table, then sex shouldn't happen. 

First let's have a refresher on what consent is in order to understand what sexual violence entails. The definition of consent often gets misunderstood because people assume that if you go along with something without a fight, or don't say the word "no", then it's consent, which isn't true. I used to think rape was a person forcing themselves on another person while they were kicking and screaming and saying no, but it's much more than that. 

Here's the dictionary definition of "Consent" :

"Compliance in or approval of what is done or proposed by another specifically: the voluntary agreement or acquiescence by a person of age or with requisite mental capacity who is not under duress or coercion and usually who has knowledge or understanding" 

** Notice the "who is not under duress or coercion and usually has a full knowledge or understanding". If you're being pressured into sexual acts because you're afraid of the backlash that happens, or if you're so confused by the constant pressure and being worn down that you just end up feeling like "fine, whatever, just get it over with so I don't have to deal with the confusion and exhaustion", etc that is NOT consent. 

Department of Justice definition of Rape :

“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” 

 ** Notice how nowhere in the definition does it say "force" is a requirement. 

Now onto the CDC definition of Sexual Violence. I'm not listing the entire quote below because it's really long. But you can see it for yourself on the website :

"Sexual violence is defined as a sexual act committed against someone without that person’s freely given consent. Sexual violence is divided into the following types:

 " * Non-physically forced penetration which occurs after a person is pressured verbally or through intimidation or misuse of authority to consent or acquiesce

     * Unwanted sexual contact

     * Non-contact unwanted sexual experiences

Nonphysically forced penetration - which occurs after a person is pressured verbally, or through intimidation or misuse of authority, to consent or submit to being penetrated - examples include being worn down by someone who repeatedly asked for sex or showed they were unhappy; feeling pressured by being lied to, or being told promises that were untrue; having someone threaten to end a relationship or spread rumors; and sexual pressure by use of influence or authority.

Unwanted sexual contact – intentional touching, either directly or through the clothing, of the genitalia, anus, groin, breast, inner thigh, or buttocks of any person without his or her consent, or of a person who is unable to consent or refuse. Unwanted sexual contact can be perpetrated against a person or by making a person touch the perpetrator. Unwanted sexual contact could be referred to as “sexual harassment” in some contexts, such as a school or workplace.

Noncontact unwanted sexual experiences - does not include physical contact of a sexual nature between the perpetrator and the victim. This occurs against a person without his or her consent, or against a person who is unable to consent or refuse. Some acts of non-contact unwanted sexual experiences occur without the victim’s knowledge. This type of sexual violence can occur in many different settings, such as school, the workplace, in public, or through technology. Examples include unwanted exposure to pornography or verbal sexual harassment (e.g., making sexual comments)."


While not technically illegal yet (though, neither was rape of a spouse until the early 90's, yet that doesn't mean all the times before weren't rape), it's still wrong, and it's still rape because no consent is given.

Rape by deception happens when our spouses cheat on us (through porn or in person), lie to us about it, and then continue having sex with us knowing full well that we wouldn't want to have sex if we knew the truth. And I just noticed that the description of Rape By Deception also goes along with the CDC's definition of sexual violence when it states "feeling pressured by being lied to, or being told promises that were untrue".

 I love this article 💗 :

"When people lie to obtain money, we call it theft. When they lie to enter private property, we call it trespass. When they lie to obtain sex . . . we have no idea what to call it. Some call it lawful seduction. Others call it criminal rape. An Israeli court recently aligned itself with the latter camp when it convicted an Arab man of rape-by-deception for falsely claiming that he was a Jewish bachelor in order to have sex with a Jewish woman. So too did a Scottish court when it convicted a transgendered man of “sexual intimacy by fraud” for failing to reveal his gender history to his girlfriend. In contrast, a grand jury in New Jersey sided with those who call lying to obtain sex an act of lawful seduction when it refused to indict a man for sexual assault for having sex with his fiancée after lying about his nationality, profession, and marital status. In response, New Jersey Assemblyman Troy Singleton sought to amend the state’s rape laws to include a crime of sex obtained by fraud or deception. Assemblyman Singleton challenged those who opposed the bill to ask themselves: should the law “afford less legal protection to a person’s body than it does to that person’s property?” After all, he asked, “if it is a crime to deceive individuals out of their property, how can it be lawful to deceive them out of their bodies?”