Understand Me

Understand Me

My Addiction vs. Betrayal Trauma

No amount of words can fully express to anyone the pure hell I went through when the drugs wore off. Physical pain. Emotional pain. It was unbearable and I was terrified. An hour into the withdrawals my body started to sweat and shake. It felt like I had the worst flu of my life, but x1000.

And then the real pain started.

To Filter or Not??

My psychologist once helped me out in this one. I am pro filter. But filters really DON'T 100% (more like 50%) work. They never worked for my hubby. They were kinda a joke.

I'm pro monitoring, password protecting, AND filtering all together. (see more here)

Is There Relapse in Recovery?

OH MY GOODNESS the big question! 

What does being in Recovery REALLY mean? Can someone be in recovery and continue to slip/relapse as long as they keep trying? Or do you have to have sobriety first in order to get IN to recovery? 

Everyone seems to have their own definitions of what recovery is, and being 7 years sober myself, I decided to do a little more research and get to the nitty gritty of what it means to be IN Recovery. (Definitions of slip, relapse, acting out, and sobriety HERE)

According to The Betty Ford Institute defines recovery as "a voluntarily maintained lifestyle characterized by sobriety, personal health and citizenship.”

In 2005, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) offered the following Working Definition of Recovery: “Recovery from addiction is a process of change through which an individual achieves abstinence and improved health, wellness and quality of life.”

American Society of Addiction Medicine's describes recovery as “a process of overcoming both physical and psychological dependence on an addiction with a commitment to abstinence-based sobriety”

I believe defining Recovery in the addiction world is extremely important. Some believe being in recovery to mean “any sign of progress” or “someone who is trying to stop” but that leaves such a huge wide range definition that just about anyone could stand up and claim Recovery. If there are no boundaries and definitions on the term Recovery, then the importance of that meaning seems to lose its value. Especially for all the people who ARE sober AND in Recovery. 

Is Snooping Wrong?

When does snooping become wrong? Where does the line get drawn between obsessively snooping or just trying to protect ourselves?

This is something that has been on my mind lately that I am seeking to gain more clarity on. Ive been reading a lot of articles, books, and 12 step materials for wives of sex addicts, and I keep coming across a similar theme:



Snooping on your addict husband is BAD BAD BAD!!!

Latter Day Saint: Addiction, Agency, & Freedom

Do addicts have a choice? Or do they lose all agency and responsibility? Here's my personal thoughts.

You've often heard the phrase "He lost his agency", and the word agency is frequently used interchangeably to describe what we gave up and lost after son....but can someone technically lose their God given agency here in this earth?

This is where freedom comes in.

I believe it is our choice to USE our agency submit our freedom to sin.

In terms of addiction, if I take a sip of alcohol, 9.9 times out of 10 I will continue drinking more. Did I give away my agency for the drink? Technically no. Did I give up my freedom? Yes. If I give up freedom am I any less responsible for my decision? No.

Why? Because it was my choice to entertain the thought of drinking.