Saturday, September 19, 2020

Proof S-Anon Blames Trauma Victims

(Yes. Cat memes make me happy) 

S-Anon is victim blaming and codependency based, even if they don't use the word "codependency". 

12 step groups for traumatized wives can be dangerous because they were made for addicts. Trauma victims deserve better than to be treated like part of the problem. If anyone tries to tell you that Sanon is different or that it doesn't blame the victim, refer them to these screenshots directly from S-Anons website and their latest blue 12 step book (page numbers are in red).

**Added note: I'm not saying no one has ever been helped by the 12 steps. I have many Betrayed friends who's lives were saved by women in the 12 steps. 12 steps were literally all that they had back then, they didn't have better options. But now that we know better, we do better. Betrayed wives deserve the correct treatment ๐Ÿ’—

S-anon believes wives are just as sick and diseased and addicted as our sex addict husbands. Whenever they talk about "our illness", this is what they mean:

We chose our partners because of our problems? NO. We didn't. Statistically 90-99% of all men regularly look at pornography, the odds are against ALL women. It's not a woman's fault a man chose to lie:

Many of us have the same characteristics as the addict, and we too became ill? ๐Ÿค”:

Yes, we must seek recovery from our "illness" ... by getting the exact same 12 step treatment as the addict. ๐Ÿคฆ‍♀️:


Our noble qualities perpetuated our illness.. (again, "our addiction"):

"Our illness" that led us to seek out rejection, victimization, and heartache...:

It took us a long time to see our part in the mess?? Also, we chose an addict!?!? Abuse isn't a "two to tango" scenario:

Our "disease"..:

Oh but make sure you don't revert back into your disease, otherwise that's considered a slip (you know, because you have an addiction๐Ÿ˜œ) :

We often made a choice to be a victim? Apparently we are all so messed up we CHOSE to be abused! Because that makes sense...:

There's many more, I just couldn't.... ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿคฆ‍♀️



  1. I love whoever you are. This is amazing stuff. I've been to most of these Groups and worked steps and That's actually how I found out that this was not an addict issue to a sexaholic for me, Also not a Codependent issue for me, It's was entirely something different, and it was painful. I just wish more language was geared towards the Betrayed MALE spouses too. I'm grateful to have found this whole Blog Page, it's almost spot on to the horrible journey I've been having with my Sex addict partner. The Betrayal trauma that most are ignorant too. And, all the Sister Programs to AA , that just don't fit for this. Although I'm an AA member.

  2. After sitting in one meeting and hearing these statements read aloud, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I am a victim of a sex addicts poor choices, not suffering from my own addiction. The addict-like behaviors were a trauma response to the addicts’ acting out and causing concerns. I don’t think I can go through the S-Anon program. It’s despicable how it’s programming the victims into feeling like they are the problem.

    1. It really is awful! The entire history of 12 steps was rooted in victim blaming. If you're ever bored, Google "Alcoholics Anonymous To Wives" and read it (it's still in the AA book). Even though this letter was supposed to be written from a wives perspective to other wives, it was instead written by Bill Wilson, the founder of AA ๐Ÿคฎ

    2. I forgot to add the kicker, it was written by Bill Wilson PRETENDING to be a wife. What could go wrong? ๐Ÿ˜…