Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Victim Blaming Post #1 Codependency

I will be doing a series of posts about some victim blaming terms that many people may not be aware of that are harming victims of abuse, like Codependency, Prodependency, Trauma Bonded, Stockholm Syndrome, Reactive/Mutual Abuse, Drama Triangle, Learned Helplessness, etc <-- all terms made up by men and applied to women they thought were crazy, much like Hysteria (Which sadly still exists in the DSM, they just call it Histrionic now ๐Ÿ˜ณ). This post will be about Codependency. 


Codependency was a word made up by addicts from Alcoholics Anonymous, founded in 1935, and was then used by Al-Anon (Sister of AA) when it was formed in 1951. The word later became widely popular by therapists and also authors like Melody Beattie in the 1980's. Addicts basically believed their loved ones were acting just as crazy as an addict by displaying similar behaviors (what THEY considered to be neurosis, controlling, neediness, paranoia, ritualizing etc.) and so they assumed their loved ones must be "addicted" to the addict/addicts addiction, therefore needing the exact same 12 steps as the addict (same wording and everything). This is why Al-Anon and S-anon and COSA etc. were created, to help treat all the obsessed dysfunctional family members of addicts --- also so they'd no longer hinder the addicts recovery which was the main goal (Read Al-Anons "To Wives" below๐Ÿ™„). These 12 step manuals subtly teach family members the belief that they have just as many issues and are as diseased as the addict. 


Sadly, there's a huge movement out there where therapists and organizations (many of the top sex addiction organizations in the world) will remove the WORD "Codependency" and instead slap the word trauma over it, without ever getting rid of the codependency treatment or content. So it's still victim blaming, except it's masked in the word trauma, thus making it more confusing and harder to spot, and in my mind more dangerous. An example of this is how it was publicly stated by Stefanie Carnes that only 1-2% of CSATS still use the codependency model. Yet an ongoing poll showed 74% of betrayed wives experienced a CSAT covertly using the codependency model. There's a huge difference in what is SAID, and what actually happens. 


Sex addiction



Victims deserve better than to be continually blamed. Please read these articles to help better understand different ways codependency is harmful ๐Ÿ’— If you have any questions or need clarification, please ask ๐Ÿ™Œ


Subtle Ways of Victim Blaming : How To Tell If Your Therapist Is Covertly Using The Codependency Model

https://makemyburdenlight.blogspot.com/2019/11/how-to-tell-if-your-therapist-is.html?m=1


Abused Women Are Not Codependent, And Here's Why :

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-games/201809/abused-women-are-not-codependent-and-heres-why?amp


Codependency Harms : Codependency Origins 

https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2018/10/codependency-harms.html?m=1


What's Wrong With Codependency 

https://www.btr.org/whats-wrong-with-codependency/


The Truth About 12 Steps

https://www.btr.org/truth-about-12-step/?fbclid=IwAR0qaDpSlewh2flAc0swLkQFjA4Ku2rTzsJ0EXsKWC8_w4lYi0VM9aWrxug


Examples of How The 12 step Group S-Anon Blames Victims 

https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2020/09/proof-s-anon-blames-trauma-victims.html?m=1


Sex Addiction Induced Perpetration Goes Untreated 

http://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/sex-addiction-induced-perpetration-saip-goes-undiagnosed-and-untreated/


13 Dimensions of Sex Induced Trauma

http://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/thirteen-dimensions-of-sex-addiction-induced-trauma-sait-among-partners-and-spouses-impacted-by-sex-addiction/


Podcast With Dr Omar Minwala. Are Pornography & Infidelity Abusive to Your Spouse? 

https://www.btr.org/is-pornography-use-abusive-to-your-spouse/


A Needed Change

https://web.archive.org/web/20151209031136/https://drbarbarasteffens.com/partner-sensitive-sexual-addiction-treatment-a-needed-change/


Blaming the Victim: Domestic Violence and the Codependency Model (PDF) 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download%3Fdoi%3D10.1.1.406.3652%26rep%3Drep1%26type%3Dpdf&ved=2ahUKEwiS6trlnIvvAhXFrJ4KHXpoB7kQFjABegQIAhAC&usg=AOvVaw3lhao2I4wZZAMEJIzDiZBe

Alcoholics Anonymous : To Wives (PDF. As mentioned in the article ๐Ÿคฎ๐Ÿคฎ) 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt8.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwje3vq5irPwAhVLsp4KHUeoDJkQFjAAegQIAxAC&usg=AOvVaw2Jgh_Kal2zE_3DHRshw_zU

Wife of Alcoholic : Sexist Stereotypes (PDF. Excellent article!!!! ๐Ÿ’—)

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://scholarworks.wmich.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi%3Farticle%3D1617%26context%3Djssw&ved=2ahUKEwjJhIjMibPwAhXGsJ4KHYLcBZgQFjAAegQIBRAC&usg=AOvVaw3CzAYXCfxTDKllMZr7U7l9



Other Articles :


Victim Blaming Post #2: Reactive Abuse or Mutual Abuse
https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2021/05/victim-blaming-post-2-reactive-abuse-or.html?m=1

Victim Blaming Post #3 The Drama Triangle (Karpman Triangle)
https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2021/05/victim-blaming-post-3-drama-triangle.html?m=1

Victim Blaming Post #4 Stockholm Syndrome
https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2021/05/victim-blaming-post-4-stockholm-syndrome.html?m=1

Victim Blaming Post #5 "Learned Helplessness"
https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2021/05/victim-blaming-post-5-learned.html?m=1

Victim Blaming Post #6 Trauma Bonded
https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2021/05/victim-blaming-post-6-trauma-bonded.html?m=1

Victim Blaming Post #7 : Prodependency
https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2021/05/victim-blaming-post-7-prodependency.html?m=1

Victim Blaming Post #8: Ignoring Red Flags
https://www.makemyburdenlight.com/2021/05/victim-blaming-post-8-ignoring-red-flags.html?m=1

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